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If you found someone attractive, would you date them if you found out they were trans? (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
submitted 1 year ago by to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml
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Why or why not?

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[–] 1 point 1 year ago (2 children)

I mostly meant it as a joke. I don't date or have sex, so its not something I'd seriously consider.

But I also suspect I'd have a hard time jiving with someone who strongly identifies with their AGAB. Personally, I sorta feel like gender is BS and cis people caring about it is weird. If they only tepidly identify with it, that's fine. In a non-transphobic world, I'd hold trans people to the same standard, but since transphobia is prevalent, trans pride ought to exist as a counter force and trans people at least inherently challenge some of the worst aspects of gender as conceptualized by transphobes.

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  • [–] [S] 2 points 1 year ago (1 child)

    hm, I think most cis people don't think much about their gender ... I guess there is a certain segment of for example "girly girls" who are very into their gender ... I guess that can get annoying in a way (mostly the strong reification of a binary way of looking at a more complex natural phenomenon)

    that said, I do like being a woman, and I have attachments to feminity I would be upset to lose in a normatively gender abolitionist world ... I tend to think gender is not just BS even if there are arbitrary elements, and I increasingly believe my gender identity ties into my biology in ways that make my gender not a choice but an immutable part of who I am

    regardless, I would think a major reason to not date cis people is that they don't understand our experiences - it's interesting that didn't come up for you, but maybe that's because you don't date or have sex 😄

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  • [–] 1 point 1 year ago

    I think most cis people don’t think much about their gender

    Of the 5 guys I'm closest to, I think three do seem to clearly value their masculinity. They express it in different ways and I don't think they conceptualize it the same way trans people do and some of them probably don't realize they do care about it.

    I tend to think gender is not just BS even if there are arbitrary elements, and I increasingly believe my gender identity ties into my biology in ways that make my gender not a choice but an immutable part of who I am

    I don't disagree. My choice of "feel like" was intend to differentiate it from my beliefs and to avoid implying I was saying other ought to feel/think the same. I largely believe my negative feelings towards gender are likely a result of the gendered expectations pushed onto me because of my AGAB. At the very least, I do believe we need to abolish the prescriptive nature of gender.

    regardless, I would think a major reason to not date cis people is that they don’t understand our experiences - it’s interesting that didn’t come up for you, but maybe that’s because you don’t date or have sex

    That's pretty much what I meant by saying I wouldn't jive with them. I don't think they need to be trans to understand though, but I don't feel like those who strongly feel their AGAB could relate.

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