This is an area with a ton of debate and I appreciate your insights. I was on the receiving end of corporal punishment growing up and have chosen not continue that cycle. That doesn't mean that my child will grow up without consequences, which is I think what most posters are frustrated with here.

According to the World Health Organization:

Evidence shows corporal punishment harms children’s physical and mental health, increases behavioural problems over time, and has no positive outcomes.

All corporal punishment, however mild or light, carries an inbuilt risk of escalation. Studies suggest that parents who used corporal punishment are at heightened risk of perpetrating severe maltreatment

Corporal punishment is linked to a range of negative outcomes for children across countries and cultures, including physical and mental ill-health, impaired cognitive and socio-emotional development, poor educational outcomes, increased aggression and perpetration of violence.

There is also evidence that fear based parenting can lead to anxiety, depression, behavioral problems, and poor self-esteem and sows mistrust and emotional distance between parent and child. I can personally attest to experiencing quite a few of these in relation to corporal punishment.

Now it sounds like you are using fear judiciously and to each their own. But I am determined to find another way, while also making consequences as clear as possible. Age 1 to 3 is difficult for everyone since the child is mobile and exploratory but has very little reasoning capabilities.

There is not a single ounce of anything scientific provable in what you are saying. You are making shit up to justify hitting your children. That's really it.

I mostly agree except for the initial phase of teaching a kid to listen and control themselves.

When would that be? It is a learning process for children to control themselves. Some grown ups haven't mastered it.

The part of the brain that forces them to sit still and focus doesn't really develop imo without some fear.

This is the core piece of your little theory, right? I challenge you to give me any reputable source, be it from a psychological or pedagogical paper. Just one. To the best of my knowledge, not a single developmental theory backs this up.

I wouldn't at all advocate for beating your child, but when they are young a little spank sometimes that isn't that bad seems scary as hell to them.

In other words, you are advocating for beating children. You have no idea how "a little spank" feels for your child. If they are scared about it afterwards it's a little bit hypocritical to assume that it was not "that bad".

It's very effective to get them to learn to listen, to stop running around, that sort of thing. After you get past that point you can talk to them, it's much easier.

"My child was running around and wouldn't listen, so i spanked it." Are you sure there are no other avenues available to get your child to listen?

Also you have to talk to them afterwards so they know you aren't being mean

You just beat a person that has no way of protectong themselves against somebody much stronger and that they rely on for savty and security. That is mean. Even if you managed to convonce yourself that it's not. It realy is.

but need them to learn to control themselves and not let their emotions take over all the time.

THEY ARE CHILDREN! Children have to learn to controll emotions. It's part of growing up. The way to support them is to help them undersuand their emotions and giving them tools to deal with them. Don't expect it to work imedeatly, it's a process. Spanking them will teach them to suppress and bottle their emotion, because the single person they rely on for safety is hitting them if they don't. You are not teaching your children to deal with emotions in a healty manor.