Yes. You have to start somewhere. If you don't even try it's never going to get better. If it's the same after 24 hours, cool, nothing changed. But at least then there is a chance of something different happening.

does that still work if my emotions are out of control for 100 hours?

I figured it out, turns out consequences arrive later. Therapy can't change the past, but consequences do reflect the past. Consequences make me feel awful.

Worse how?

Next time write the chats, but give them 24hrs before sending. Then see if they still make sense with a cooler head.

Genuinely wishing you the best of luck and that you get the care you need. Stuff sucks so bad sometimes.

update, I'm at the mental health urgent care clinic now.

but things got worse after the doctor I think something's wrong

It sounds like you expressed your emotions in chat in a way that made people concerned about you. Since they are not mental health professionals, and are just other regular people, they didn't respond in a way you would have found helpful. They do not have the responsibility or training to do so.

Writing down your immediate reaction allows you to work through your immediate oversized reaction. You don't need to bottle it up, and you can read it later in a calm state and figure out if any of that needs to be shared, and how best to do so.

It's useful to keep in mind that the people you interact with may also be going through their own struggles. Because of mine, I tend to avoid people with oversized reactions to things I consider the mundane disappointments of life. I would not have replied to you explaining what you did wrong, either.

But, should my reaction be accomodated for, of yours? They are both symptoms. Both can be incredibly harmful in different ways. If they didn't fuck over our lives, they'd just be personality quirks, not an illness.

It's possible the group could do more to accommodate you. It's possible this particular group can't, for whatever reason. Think of groups like this as a collection of individuals taking on voluntary responsibility. Each of them has their own circumstances, and only so much they can do. Just like you. They might be wrong or you might be, but it's best to take this as a learning experience for yourself since you aren't in a position to change them.

that I can write things down in my diary and wait for things to calm down and get better.

Do that then. Don't write right away. Wait until you calm down. What do you expect for us to add? Do as your doctor say.

it makes sense but it doesn't make sense. I even went to urgent care mental health counseling and they said they don't think I'm a risk to others that I can write things down in my diary and wait for things to calm down and get better.

Can we talk about the mental health aspect of this please?

Talk about what? If you have mental health problem then you should talk to doctor, not us. And people demonstrating sincerely aggressive behavior should be banned. Mental illnesses are not excuse. Mental illnesses are additional burden.

this isn't love, this is orphan crushing machine

There are many helplines for mental health, try and figure out where they are situated and provide them with the number to call. Ensure to be non-judgmental in the way you make contact, and don't push it onto them if they don't want/seek to help themselves (they might further shut themselves in).

The first step is always to realize it's a problem, and that will only happen when they feel safe enough to look at themselves as someone who "doesn't need to be strong" and tackle life alone.

It's difficult to know concretely what approach will be the most successful, and how to not be considered a potential threat by them, but I recommend the general kind approach: No judgment, a caring voluntary offer, and no obligations or time pressure.

I'm no professional, but I've had some events in my life. I hope this helps!

If in the US can dial 988 and talk to someone that is trained in helping

I can imagine. In any event, I wish you the best of luck.

Fair I guess, and thank you, just a weird thing to come to terms with I guess lol sorry

Think of it this way: People pay for services they like.

You are literally "Content Curator of the Year" in my book.

Eh. The machine works well enough. Sometimes it gets weird. I think it's probably more of a problem with me needing to see a sleep doc and being unable to at the moment. Besides, this is fucking expensive. $1,775 for that is... nutty. Now, granted, that is the whole package machine with the mask and stuff and you could get one for just the machine for a bit cheaper but my mask and hose and shit need replacing anyway. Something I will get to eventually when it is an absolute emergency but for right now it's whatever. That is a lot of dollarydoos, even if they're Canadian dollarydoos. As for food, I'll be fine. I'm not super worried about that. I've got a friend I definitely do not deserve and food banks exist. I feel bad taking her help as often as I have but yeah. I just feel bad for a lot.

I'm with you on the push for isolation. Even as a teenager like 20 years ago (fuck) I can remember there being a ton of places that required no payment in order to get in. Places where kids could play video games or little water parks or open swimming pools or whatever else. Now everything is locked behind payment and kids can't pay that shit without the parents but everything is being nickel and dimed. Now there's barely anything.

I just have a hard time taking it myself. Internal trauma from a not so great childhood and therapy is not easy to afford or get in Canada. I'm definitely one of those types who keeps thinking that whenever their abuser passes away they'll feel better but probably won't. Something I'm working on. Just not easy to do.

I just get stressy that I'm burdening people too much. I feel like I whine a lot. One reason why I send a lot of random funny shit to everyone too or be funny myself.

I get that you don't want to feel like you're abusing peoples' good will, but not having good quality sleep is going to make many things harder.

I also notice that you're just asking for rent help, and I remember seeing a post from you a while back mentioning dumpster diving for food. Do you have a reliable and safe source of food? Lack of that isn't good either, not that it really needs to be said.

Also, if you'll pardon me stepping onto a soapbox for a moment: I know we're a weird disparate community of pseudonymous nerds online, but this sort of thing is what communities are meant for. Being able to help spread out both the abundances and the lack of things (hard to find the right words for what I mean here) over a larger group so that everyone makes it through.

I have strong feelings that there has been concentrated efforts over generations to push people towards being more isolated, so that when hard times come they don't look to their neighbors and community members, but instead to whatever central controlling authority is in their area. And that authority should provide for the people under it, but it furthers the control it has over them.

Point is, small scale redistribution of wealth/supplies/etc within a community is in my opinion a big part of what community is for, and a key to humanity making it so damn far.

And other parts of you. Maybe some day. <3

I appreciate it and might take you up on that sometime. Mostly because I'm just kind of lonely and don't talk to a whole lot of people in general despite all the shit I post lol but thank you. So much. I'm sorry you had to go through that too though. Not exactly something I'd wish on anyone...

Sorry I ended up passing out in a heap of exhaustion last night. The original goal on the ko-fi thing I had just never updated from last month when I was asking for help. That being said, it was still over the goal. I moved it last night to what it should have been and then passed out before commenting to you.

Well, a new cpap is $1700, rent is $700 and $900ish was raised (still floored). So another $1500 for a cpap and like... no. I'll suffer with the shitty one I have that works occasionally. That at least works and isn't a major risk. Filters I also have a lot of. There was a dude in Toronto who gave me a box of them years ago that they get for stock. Like... hundreds of filters. I've still got about 100 left. Luckily distilled water is also really easy to get here. In Toronto it was bought up fucking instantly by everyone and I could never find any. I had to get a distiller myself but breathing in metal tasting water is icky.

Thank you though. Seriously. To you and everyone else. I'm running out of ways to say it because I'm just... stunned. Confused. I don't know. But deeply, deeply, deeply thankful