I'm really tired, today.

It was, overall, a pretty good day, I was with my girlfriend in the morning, so I'm feeling quite good. I was tired later in the afternoon and evening, but that's life.

I didn't do much, unfortunately, but I plan to do a little reading tomorrow, FINALLY. We'll see, but I really do hope to do it. I aspire to it. I require it.

Long time no post! I was in the capital, as I perchance mentioned, and it was lots of fun. I watched a bunch of movies, and the one I recommend most is maybe Alegria e Tristeza na Vida das Girafas. Very good, hilarious, interesting. I loved it. Also Green Fish. Not funny at all, but a very interesting and captivating snapshot of a man's life, a clear picture of how evil can slowly weevil its way into mundanity.

Also, I have a lot of comments to reply to! Weird situation. I'm too tired to do them all today, but I'll get to them soon.

I wore jeans, the light-wash jeans. I feel good.

I'm in the capital with the girlfriend.

Our arrival was tribulated, but well, that's life sometimes. It was still fun!

I hope to have even more fun tomorrow Hahaha!!!!!

I wore jeans.

Sometimes, these thoughts assault me. I talk too much! I definitely talk too much.

People very rarely have told me I talk too much, and I do believe I'm a generally pleasant person, I try to be anyway, but often I hear myself and I can't help but find my own voice, my lame jokes, my witless commentary, my mean jabs, to be utterly intolerable. I feel mean and insensitive and, perhaps most and worst of all, a ceaseless yapper.

My girlfriend says it's fine, and that she likes how much each of us talk, but I always remember me talking to her, and barely her talking to me. Of course, we discuss a lot of things, there's many times we've discussed things, and it was a true dialogue, but so often I find myself speaking and she does reply, she's a very active listener and she's engaged, but she doesn't really speak as much, introduce topics or talk about random things as much.

I feel like I want to hear other people more. I need to shut up more!

I don't know...

Maybe I talk too much. I think it's fine, but maybe I should dial it back just a little bit, see how it goes, maybe I like it better being a little quieter, listening a little more.

I wore my black trousers! Jeans are slowly losing ground in my wardrobe (I say as I prepare to wear jeans 3 days in a row).

Tomorrow I set out to the capital to go to a cinema festival with the girlfriend. Shouts out me! And her, of course. And movies, perchance. I'll also meet with a friend on Sunday! Hype about that.

Today, not much happened once more, but slowly I'm getting in a groove, I feel like.

Every day blends into every other day, and all I do is live for Friday and for the weekend. Is this life at a real job? Maybe, I suppose, but more likely, if I had something to look forward to at home, things would be a little better. I'm thinking of a better life, and how to reach it, and I can definitely think of ways there, and I believe I'll get there by continuing on this path. I just need to properly calculate what I'm gonna do, evaluate the field, check it and advance.

It feels nice to have a goal. It is something to look forward to, in a way.

I wore jeans today.

Basically every day is a little boring, now. Well, except for Friday and my weekends, but the the rest are boring... We do basically nothing all day, nothing new, we learn barely anything, and everything is so basic and repetitive and, perhaps worst of all, meaningless. We won't use it for work, and we won't use it in our daily life.

Mind you, I do value learning, so I am enjoying some of this some of the time. It's fun and interesting to find out how some of the backstage works in tech, but it's just so frustrating to sit there for hours upon hours and "learn", meaning listen to someone speak interminably about some random thing, and then maybe do some too-easy exercise... It's painful. There's so much I'd love to be doing that I can't. And then, worst of all, is that I want to get good grades, so I actually have to study a little!!!!!! Tragic.

Regardless, talking with my girlfriend is at least fun. I can't wait to see her again this Friday. We're going on a little trip.

I wore jeans, the light ones.

Through a perhaps not-so-unfortunate turn of events, I was unable and/or unwilling to make my daily posts.

The past three nights I have spent with my newly minted girlfriend, and the night before that I was so terribly exhausted, which combined with a late night and an early morning to realize me simply forgetting to post.

Though, to be fair, I don't have that much to report, I suppose. I've been living life and feeling nice. Things are to come, and things are to happen, but as things go and as things are, things are fine. I feel I'm making progress at work and that I'm well-liked, and I think my relationship is good. We were great friends already and that's remained true, so that's great.

I plan to finally spend at least 1 hour reading tomorrow. Finally, finally. Besides that, not much more.

I feel like life has been taking my time away. This feels like a weird thing to say, of course, because life is what you spend time on. Or rather, time is spent regardless of what you do, but the best thing you could possibly spend it on is life. Experiencing things, doing things, learning things, being, living. That's what good time looks like. Still, I just feel like I'm so much. I'm so much. There's so much I want to do, so much I haven't done, things I have prioritized or left to rot, habits I've built and let die, and I hate that. I want to keep things up, but it's so hard. It's so hard to spend my time wisely, so exhausting to keep going.

I really need to find a way to relax and have fun, meaning, having fun by relaxing instead of by doing or acting, or engaging. I need to just chill. Sit and enjoy the view or something. Not go for a walk but just sit on a rock, sort of.

It's hard to balance everything...

I wore jeans. All the days I haven't posted I wore jeans, I think. Maybe one of those days I wore my black trousers, I don't know!

I feel good, overall. I think. I'm tired. I feel a little overextended, actually. I need to pull back and slow down. I'm having fun, but I suppose there really is such a thing as too much of a good thing.

I fear I bombed my exam. Well, I definitely didn't "bomb", but I feel I did worse than everyone else, and that's frustrating... I wish I had studied a bit more. I could've done better! And these grades really matter, so this is just silly, I knew that, I needed to work harder.

Anyway, I feel happy nevertheless, to be honest. It's OK. Also, I scheduled a meeting with a old friend when my girlfriend travels outside the country, so that's great :D I wanted to reconnect for a long time, and I finally got my way Hahaha! It's good that I'm connecting with people, I think that's really good. I hope it goes well.

I wore jeans today, but the lighter jeans this time around. The other ones were getting a little dirty, so they're in the wash.

Still feeling pretty good.

I think life, in general, is a matter of taking what you can get. I feel I've been very fortunate to get many things, many great things. I feel I've taken what I can get. Was that terrible English right there? I think so... Whatever.

I have an exam tomorrow. No pressure, really, but I'm a little nervous. Excited, perhaps. I'll need to study a little still, tomorrow morning, and then just give it my all, see what happens.

I'm happy, I really am.

Things move slowly, and sometimes not at all. Things change, and sometimes they stay the same. Sometimes they change while staying the same, would you believe it!

I'll just try to keep being honest and earnest in my relationships, and honest and earnest in setting and pursuing my goals :D

Great advice there.

I wore my black trousers today, and my nice flower tie :D Very pwettyyyyyyy!!!!!

It's me, the notorious goal-achiever, here to report having achieved another goal.

So, for a long while now, about 3 months, I've been hanging out non-stop with a long-time friend. We reconnected not that long ago, maybe a little over a year, a year and a half, after having been friends for some time during uni. Long story short, we're now a couple.

Pretty interesting development, I'd say. I mentioned a few days ago, a few weeks ago really, that my friend (same individual) said that I should aim for a girlfriend, and should do so without succumbing to my ever-terrible tendency to overcategorize everything. What's the difference between a girlfriend and great friend? Very little, I say, besides the commitment. Her argument was that I shouldn't try to look for a girlfriend, but rather I should just meet people, hang out with people I like, and see what happens. Just do what I want to do, do what feels right, and everything will turn out alright. Well, she was right; she's also now my girlfriend. Funny.

Anyway, this is fine. It's a little stressful for me, since I now feel some additional responsibility towards her, I guess, but in general I think our relationship will just keep going as it is. We have been very, very close. So close that the people around us definitely assume we're a couple, even if we weren't officially until yesterday. My point is that I have committed, which means there are dues to be paid in that I'm expected to conduct myself in a way becoming of her, as well as consider her family planning ideas for the long-haul. I think she's quite serious about this, and to be frank, I think she might be so obscenely out of my league that letting her go would be blasphemy. Meaning I'm gonna have to mentally prepare myself to be a father in the next, let's say, 6 to 7 years (intentional).

I guess I'll just see how things develop. I have not much interest in sex, and she does, so that's something that I'm going to try to accommodate. She's already made it clear that we can take things at my pace, so it's great to see she's accommodating me as well. We know each other pretty well, so it's good that she accepts that. She even said that she foresaw this sort of sexual hesitancy on my part and just sighed and went along with it. We'll see, we'll see.

We have lots of plans and I'm very excited.

I asked her, maybe a little rough of a question but I felt it should be asked, if we could remain friends if things didn't go well between us. She said no, because some romantic shit. Anyway, I think she means it. If we don't work out, it might be something quite serious that she can't overlook, because she will really try to make it work even through things less convenient and to her liking. That kind of shook me, because this feels very casual. It feels almost surreal. It's happening, and it's normal and it's OK, but it's very loose. There's very little tying us together, basically only mutual affection, which to be fair is plenty, but it's also a little brittle. If she just loses interest in me, well, will we just stop being friends?! I don't want to lose a friend over this. Being in a relationship, a committed, serious romantic and sexual relationship with such a dear friend feels like putting all my eggs in the same shabby basket.

I do like her very much, so I suppose it's fine.

I'll have to call my granny about this, unfortunately. She'll be annoying about it.

I wore jeans, today!

Today started off quite terrible.

I forgot to work out, then I dropped my phone and cracked my screen terribly, then we were almost late for our training session... Well, not so bad, I suppose, as we were not actually late.

I always feel so awkward talking to people. Just a horrible feeling.

After work, I was late meeting my friend, but it was OK. We had dinner, though actually neither me nor my friend actually ate, we just chatted and two other people with us were the ones eating. It was OK. It was fun, but very stressful and a little overwhelming. But it was OK.

Well, I don't know. I think... I think it's good for me to do this sort of stuff.

It's stressful, but for the best, probably.

I wore jeans.

I'm tired... But at least there's sushi tomorrow.

My days are a little monotonous. At least today was a little fun, doing some math.

I often feel like, the more I speak with people, the more I feel like they're all just idiots. It's not always the case, but people just seem so slow sometimes. It's a little upsetting. I have this fantasy of speaking with someone and being understood so clearly, so transparently, that I barely need to say what I think. I can just hint at it and wave my hands around and the idea gets across.

Communication is so frustrating. I feel like I have to pry people's inner worlds out of them, kind of like I have to squeeze mine out, shape it carefully, put it in the oven and then quickly fry it (for flavour) before actually letting others engage with it, otherwise they're just confused.

I don't think I'm particularly complex. I think I'm actually quite boring and empty.

This frustrates me.

I wore my black trousers. Long time no black trousers.

I feel routine taking place.

Truthfully, things aren't really that routine for me, objectively speaking, but I do feel that there's very little variety to my days. I need to read more, as I always do need to read more, but also I need to do more things! Exercise, read, learn things, think more... Time runs from me and I stumble as I chase it.

Anyway... I feel good, overall.

I wore my dark corduroy trousers.

Today, my friend made plans for the weekend after after next.

That's right. The one after AFTER next!!!!! We spend a lot of time together on the weekends, but somehow I didn't expect us to have things planned damn near a month in advance. That's the situation, though.

Next weekend we'll go to a jazz concert and watch a movie, the one after that we'll spend the day at a cool place here in the city, probably also watch a movie, and the one after (which is the one after after next, if you're keeping count) we'll take a trip down to the capital to go to a cinema festival and check out some art exhibits.

I feel so blessed! Work is easy (for now, we're getting paid to learn, still), my colleagues are kind and cool and smart, and my dear friend cares about me and wants to spend more time with me. I'm just... Over the moon. I feel really good.

I wore jeans!

My new colleagues are really nice people.

I don't necessarily feel like we're all soulmates or anything, I really don't think I would be friends with most of them, or that I want to be friends with most of them, but they're nice enough to speak with and very kind.

My new job mentioned in the interviews, including the CEO round, that everyone that gets in has been deemed a good cultural fit. They're the sort of people that the people at the company think would fit in with the people at the company. That makes sense, and it feels good to see it be true, I guess. I think I really would love to work with these people. A few are extra nice, and have this warm feeling to them. One of my coworkers in particular just has this very mellow vibe that I really appreciate.

Anyway, I read a little bit today. Amor de Perdição, it's a Portuguese classic. I'll be seeing a movie about the author soon, so I decided to give it a read.

I wore jeans today.

I spent my weekend very well.

Friday, I went to a concert with a friend -- Symphonic Jazz -- then we spent a nice evening chatting. The concert started with some classical music with a focus on the tuba. The soloist tuba player was wearing a funky hat, red and white shoes, and his mute was patterned like a mushroom! The second part of the concert was focused on vocal jazz, and the singer was just top-notch. It was really nice. We did underestimate the runtime and ended up stranded for dinner, but it was OK. We ended up having some poké bowls and I tried açaí for the first time.

Saturday we went to the beach for a long (long) walk and tried out a new restaurant, Syrian. It was good, but not that good really. We liked it, but didn't necessarily recommend it. Then we went to watch Verity. Verity!!!! AMAZING MOVIE! It really surpassed my expectations, blew them out of the water, really. The dialogue was corny and extremely CoHo, but the acting was tremendous, and the plot was gripping and just really entertaining. I loved it and recommend; it's a great thriller. We had dinner at our usual Indian spot and had some more delicacies. Amazing food, as always, impeccable service, and reasonable pricing. What more can we even ask for?! Just an amazing day overall.

Sunday (I want to write today, but it is actually already Monday at the time of writing) we made lunch (stir-fried veggies with rice) and then went for a swim in the freezing pool-- I mean the swimming pool-- I mean, actually, the freezing pool, yes! It was so cold it burned. It burned. Still, it was fun, since I was with her. It was awesome! Then we played some domino (we do that a lot) and golf on the Wii, which was fun. We then went to watch Digger, which I liked very much and she absolutely hated. We ended up having a brief discussion of inheritance taxes and how to handle capital accumulation and the environmental crisis, so I think the movie did a good job, at least in that regard. Anyway, I think it was very interesting, artistically and thematically. I recommend it, though I do warn that it is not what you're expecting. It's commentary, but it's not what you're expecting, if you've watched the trailers. Well, I think it's great! I'm aware it's a little divisive. We had dinner at a vegan place and their brownies were AMAZING! I want to try copying them actually, that's how good they were, and the place got added to our list of great spots to eat, though only for the brownie, since the rest of the food was fine but overpriced and not nearly on the level of our Indian place or the falafel place I like.

I think our relationship might be turning a little physically intimate. Both Friday and Saturday night, she got really touchy. Today she was a little as well. Mind you, this doesn't bother me in the slightest. I actually like it quite a lot. It feels nice to have someone run their hands through your hair and caress your shoulders and lay their head on you. It feels intimate, and since we are very close and comfortable with each other, it's nice. That being said, she was definitely very intimate, it felt a little... Weird. Again, not bad, it was totally fine and I was OK with it, it was nice, but I've been feeling like some steps are being taken that go a little beyond what's actually normal and expected. Nothing wrong with that, I stress. It was nice, all of it was very nice, just a little odd.

Anyway, amazing weekend.

I wore jeans the whole time.

Today was another day at work, still not doing any work, as I won't be for the next three or so months. Very exciting, I know! I like learning, so it's fine. It's a little boring, but they're paying me to learn. To just absorb a bunch of information, even useful information that I can put in my CV and just go to a competitor and show something cool I have. That's nice! Not that I intend to do that, of course, I really don't.

Anyway, I'm thinking.

I really don't have much time. I have the weekend, but if I have plans, things to do, I really have to either line things up or make much better use of my time. I mean that I'll have to stop doing some things. No more YT videos and such, if there are other things I want to do. I know that sounds a little silly, but for quite a while, over two years, maybe, I've felt like I really could just "waste" time, because I always had enough. For the first time in a while, then, I feel like I really don't have enough time for everything I want to do. I'm on a real work schedule, actually trying to do something meaningful, even if it's just learning for now, and with actual career prospects in an actual company. It's serious, and I'm gonna have to prioritize.

A few days ago, maybe a week ago, I don't even know, I made a post saying that I should get a girlfriend or something. Or try. Well, it was more complicated, or simple, than that; I mean that I shouldn't try, but just that I should put myself out there more, should talk to people more and build relationships, and what's to come will come, and if it doesn't it's because it's not meant to. Something like that. As long as I'm open to it and actively looking for deep connection, then I should be fine. Something to that effect, not quite, but whatever. Doesn't matter.

My point is that I really don't have much time, do I? When am I supposed to do this, exactly? On the weekend? Because my options seem to be quite limited at work! Not that there aren't very attractive and talented and interesting people at work (there are), but we're together in a work capacity, it's different. Not that it can't go beyond that, but it can be rough. Anyway, what I'm saying is that, besides work, it'll be hard. I might be able to manage, especially in the coming months since I'll be on a bit of a different schedule, though I don't believe the different schedule is actually a great one for socializing, anyway.

Whatever... I just mean to air out my frustrations.

Tomorrow I'll have dinner with a friend, go to a concert (jazz piano), then she'll stay over, then we'll see a movie tomorrow. That's great! But I want something else as well. I spoke with one of my coworkers today and she said that she's splitting rent with her boyfriend, and so she's paying what will effectively be a one-room rent for a T1 apartment in the city center! Fantastic location! And this is a really expensive city, too. Of course, my living arrangements are quite convenient as well, but that financial power is so enticing!

I don't know... I feel a little silly thinking of a romantic relationship in financial terms, but I really do think it's really important. It's really important to me, at least, and I think I would need someone that agrees, if we are to be compatible.

Whatever... I wore jeans today. Again! Long time no no-jeans... Hopefully the temperature drops more seriously soon and I get to wear my corduroy more confidently.

The more I hear about career progression at my new company, the more glad I am to have gotten this job.

It genuinely looks like this job could carry me to retirement! If things line up just right, it might even be the kind of job I might want to keep doing after I reach my retirement goals... Well, I definitely have early-day excitement, honeymoon period or something. Anyway, it does seem genuinely nice.

I'm tired. I should be asleep, but there were things to do, duties to fulfill, and so I sacrifice some sleep so I can get some things done. Unfortunate, but that's life.

I wore jeans. It seems I'll wear jeans every day this week, actually. We'll see how it goes but that's how it's shaping up.

Excited for tomorrow.

This marks the end of my second day at my new job.

It is exhausting... Now, I am also sick (with the flu, I presume), so that's definitely sapping some of my strength, but man am I tired, I am, very.

Also, I haven't been able to read very much at all! The train and metros are full beyond reason, so there's never even an inch to squeeze my e-reader or something. It's tiring, genuinely. I think I'll try to read a bit more in the in-between times. At work, I don't want to be an antisocial weirdo laming the vibes by reading whenever we have free time, instead of engaging in conversation with my peers, but maybe I can find some way to squeeze in a few words in the train or something, somewhere, anywhere. Even at night, it might be good... Though I just feel so sick and tired, and I don't mean metaphorically.

Anyway, the job itself is good. It's basically just a LOT of information being dumped on us at all times, right now, which is tiring, but it's fine. It's not particularly demanding. Also, I got confirmation, or as far as confirmation as these things go, of course they couldn't just say exactly or make promises, and they told me to keep my expectations in check, but by the end of the first year I may be able to expect a 15% raise! That's huge, of course. It's way more than outpacing inflation, though it isn't outpacing rent inflation in my country, I suppose! Yay!!!!!!!

Well, it's good. The people are nice and kind. I like it.

I wore jeans again.

Today was my first day at my new job.

It was nerve-wracking, but actually overall quite reasonable. I was tired, I am tired after today, but I felt like it was actually a pretty great environment at the new place, the people are nice, the bosses are nice, and my hiring siblings were also very nice.

Tomorrow will be less demanding, I hope, I suspect, I predict.

I didn't read at all today, what a shame.

I just feel so tired...

I wore jeans.

Today, I read Toda a Ferida é uma Beleza by Djaimilia de Almeida. It was good! Very good, even. The illustrations were great, but the story itself was the highlight for me, definitely. It was intense and very direct, in the sense that things happened very clearly, despite the weird dreamlike nature of the book. It feels somewhat surreal, especially with the illustrations sprinkled in, but the plot moves very straight-forwardly, very matter-of-factly, if that makes sense. The happenings themselves, let's say, were atrocious, just completely terrible and traumatizing, but the message was made all the louder, all the clearer by this bold depiction of violence and oppression.

It's a story about a creative young girl whittled away at by her godmother and her village. It's painful, truly painful to read, maybe because it is so clear-headed.

Just a fantastic work of art, I think.

Also, I went to an art exhibit today, and it was awesome! The artwork on display was varied, but the general theme of depictions of people completely distorted and blended together was clear. It was somewhat monstrous, but very colourful at times, which I liked, and also very physical. I liked the sculptures the most.

Finally, tomorrow is my first day at my new job. Officially not unemployed anymore, as of tomorrow. It's stressful, but it's fine. I have everything ready and lined-up. I feel nice. I feel fine. I feel like I can give it my all and be honest and earnest. Hopefully this was all a good decision, but only time will tell.

I wore jeans! Dark blue jeans.