Based on the recent Pap smear post, it seems like a lot of women have had bad experiences with their gynecologist. I just wanted to mention a few things that helped me:

1. You can ask for a smaller speculum.
2. You can ask to insert a speculum yourself.
3. You can discuss your care with your doctor before they begin any procedure so they know what/where your needs and sensitivities are.
4. ALL of your questions deserve detailed answers that you can understand. Yes, even that question.
5. It's good to have the input of a doctor, and the internet and friends can also be a great resource for learning about things (how painful is X? is Y normal?), but you know your body. Just because a doctor or friend said something is normal does not mean it is. Advocate for yourself.

I'm in the US and I know healthcare isn't always accessible or affordable so we often have to go with whoever is available. If you're able to, it might be worth it to try different doctors until you find one that listens and respects you.

The best gynecologist I've ever had was actually a man. I was really against having a male gynecologist, but he was the only one available that was covered. He's actually the reason I know speculums come in sizes. I'd been going to a gyno for over a decade and none had ever discussed my comfort with me until he did. I know some people may have reasons not to have a male gynecologist, but if one comes highly recommended maybe they're worth trying.

Also, I know it's difficult to internalize, but please remember that it's a doctors visit. There's nothing shameful or embarrassing about needing to go to one or being examined by one. In general, the doctor is there trying to help you and not judge you. The way they treat you should be respectful, but if they do not it's not because you deserve ill treatment or are not worth the time to care for. They are just bad at their job and unfortunately that job involves intimate areas.

You deserve to be safe and healthy. Please do not let a bad experience stop you from getting healthcare. A person who did something harmful to you does not deserve to stand in your way. You deserve a long and happy life and I hope you won't let others interfere with that.

Please feel free to share other tips in the comments.

PS: Not all women have vaginas and some men need to see a gyno as well. We love and respect all bodies here. We just want them safe and healthy.

This is a video based on an article written about princesses trying to escape their abusive families in Dubai. Though their experience is obviously very specific, I think it's important we hear and remember their stories.

A month or so ago there was an uptick in influencers talking about how female microcelebs need to be wary of invites to Dubai. There's a lot of stories about basically forced labor and kidnapping, and horrific accounts of SA.

Abuse happens everywhere, but some places are better for survivors than others. I know the world is a beautiful place filled with beautiful people, but please be wary of where you're traveling and with who, and don't let powerful people convince you that a place is safe if you know it's not.

Link to the original article: https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2023/05/08/the-fugitive-princesses-of-dubai

I probably wouldn't normally post this here, since it's only tangentially related to women's stuff, but there was a post about Dawkins and his AI earlier and I commented about this YTer and she has made a video specifically about this. Maybe it might interest some people. Feel free to remove it if not on topic enough.

This channel came up on my recommended recently and I've really been enjoying their videos.

I'm watching their long form content, but their most recent short is a nice self contained snippet that I think might resonate with people here so I wanted to share. It is just them lamenting the difficulty of decentering men and the male perspective: https://youtube.com/shorts/Fd2aph3pnYg

cross-posted from: https://sh.itjust.works/post/52502962

I would not venture into the comment section, but I think the post brings up a point for discussion. Menstruation is different for everyone (some women don't/can't some men do etc), so I figured I'd ask here what your relationship to it is and how you see other people relate to it. I personally think there's something very unique to menstruation itself that I would not relate to anything else, having experienced things far more and far less painful or affecting, but I know that's not how everyone views it. Having said that, I think there's a lot of discussion around women's periods and I understand the desire to relate to them regardless of your personal experience with them. I would love to hear your individual perspectives on how you talk about your cycles to people, or if you do so at all, and how their responses affect your desire to talk to them about that going forward.

I have a friend that like me has had medical issues arise because of their cycle, and though we've had similar experiences I am least likely to bring up my experiences when she's talking about hers because I want to give her feelings as much space as possible. She does the same with me. I'm not sure if it's like that for others, but I think the more severe the issue the more likely I am to verbalize sympathy than empathy. On the other hand, I can pretty casually talk about it with some friends who have a more average experience with them. I'm least likely to talk about it with my male friends, but I have some close ones that I will mention it to and they always step up their support if I bring it up, since I mostly bring it up if I'm noticing I need some extra support. Because of the way my cycle affects me, and maybe because I am really lucky, my partners have been mostly really good about recognizing it and offering support when needed.

cross-posted from: https://sh.itjust.works/post/52502962

I would not venture into the comment section, but I think the post brings up a point for discussion. Menstruation is different for everyone (some women don't/can't some men do etc), so I figured I'd ask here what your relationship to it is and how you see other people relate to it. I personally think there's something very unique to menstruation itself that I would not relate to anything else, having experienced things far more and far less painful or affecting, but I know that's not how everyone views it. Having said that, I think there's a lot of discussion around women's periods and I understand the desire to relate to them regardless of your personal experience with them. I would love to hear your individual perspectives on how you talk about your cycles to people, or if you do so at all, and how their responses affect your desire to talk to them about that going forward.

I have a friend that like me has had medical issues arise because of their cycle, and though we've had similar experiences I am least likely to bring up my experiences when she's talking about hers because I want to give her feelings as much space as possible. She does the same with me. I'm not sure if it's like that for others, but I think the more severe the issue the more likely I am to verbalize sympathy than empathy. On the other hand, I can pretty casually talk about it with some friends who have a more average experience with them. I'm least likely to talk about it with my male friends, but I have some close ones that I will mention it to and they always step up their support if I bring it up, since I mostly bring it up if I'm noticing I need some extra support. Because of the way my cycle affects me, and maybe because I am really lucky, my partners have been mostly really good about recognizing it and offering support when needed.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/36368232

https://mstdn.social/@amydiehl/115805764426843059

Saw this posted elsewhere on Lemmy and thought it might belong here: https://youtu.be/yCdwm2vo09I

Would be interested in what you all think about it, so feel free to share in the comments. I was a little surprised by the women being interviewed, but diversity of opinion regarding this is understandable.

I worked with a lot of large machines at one point and the older man running the room joked about one of them that "if she starts acting up just give her a little smack on the rear". Obviously, this was not actually something anyone did and would not help anything. The machine was sturdy so it wouldn't have done much, but it was so expensive that even if it would have we would have been loath to not be gentle with it. He was of a different era, and generally very nice and respectful, but that's the kind of thing we could stand to lose in my opinion. It didn't bother me per se, and it's the kind of joke I might make among some of my friends, but I also have friends I would not say that in front of. It's so very strange to me that had that been brought up as an issue some people might lament losing the "culture" of the work or something. Can you imagine bringing a playboy into work and being so casual about it that you actually open and use it in testing. I'm used to a boys will be boys workplace, and some chatting about NSFW stuff and some sharing of pics, but something about it being a magazine seems next level.

The book of the month is "Gingerbread" by Helen Oyeyemi.

Trigger warnings: None I could find. I will update this if anyone has more information and would like to let me know.

We had no suggestions, so I chose this one. I chose it because we've had requests for foreign authors (most have been from the US), and varied genres. Though the author does not appear to like the term magical realism, I hope this book might hit the mark for some people that had requested more of that. Though it's not necessarily a holiday novel as suggested, I hope the folklore inspirations and through line of gingerbread have at least a little holiday magic. Feel free to comment your suggestions for next month!

The movie of the month is Carol (2015)

Trigger warnings (per AI - I want to be as complete as possible with these so if the AI one seems more complete than what I find elsewhere I use that): nudity, sex and sexuality, psychological abuse, homophobia, institutional abuse, and alcohol/smoking

We had no suggestions this month, so I picked this since it takes place around the holidays (we can have a Diehard style discussion of it's a Christmas movie in the comments). It was also well reviewed with several awards, and was written by a woman. There seem to be a few sites where it is available for streaming, some of which are free with ads, so hopefully everyone will have at least one way they can watch.

Comments are spoilers territory. If you want to use spoiler tags in the comments, please do, but it is not required. If you venture into the comments please keep in mind this is a discussion thread for media so there will likely be spoilers.

Going forward This is a community project. I would like to get input regarding written works and tv/movies that would be a good fit for this. I will leave a comment on this thread that you can respond to if you'd like to offer a suggestion. One suggestion per comment please. You can comment multiple times though. I'd like to make sure the selections are widely accessible, so please add that information if you know for sure something is in the public domain or available online, as that makes it easier to recommend. If you commented suggestions last month and they were not chosen, please feel free to comment them again! I will try to favor the most voted on replies each month, and if you don't comment this month it won't be considered unless there are no other suggestions. Please vote on the other comments you see there (I will not be voting since I'm organizing). I'd like to pair heavier topics in one media with lighter topics in the other, just in case you're wondering why a specific piece was not chosen. Things like language or availability may also affect the selection. I'm also open to changing or adding discussion questions.

Excited to hear your perspectives on this month's picks!

Please feel free to participate in previous conversations. Here is a running list of our prior months: https://lemmus.org/post/16011446 https://lemmus.org/post/16649908 https://lemmus.org/post/17483092

PS: Even if you have seen or read the media for this month before, I would encourage a reread or rewatch to best participate in the discussion!