Your mom needs therapy. I'm certain of this because my mom needed the same therapy. It's insecurity in attachment and feeling like she's not succeeded as a parent. My mom wasn't nearly as bad though, she just had a rough life in the whole being loved department

No that’s not normal. Sounds like they’re incredibly insecure and emotionally manipulative.

Homie I have been seeing you make posts like this for months and I gotta say its not normal and I am sorry. I dont ask my kids that shit. I tell them that I love them and pelt them with kisses whether they like it or not because I won't be alive forever and I want them to know. Kids dont get the gravity of that and they shouldn't have to.

I'm not intimately familiar with the culture but as an American, it would be something that would make me uncomfortable.

I would talk with a therapist or counselor for perspective.

Sounds like Mom has a mental health issue. Could be an attachment disorder or borderline personality disorder.

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/borderline-personality-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20370237

"Is this weird?" is relative, and usually less important than "is this unhealthy?"

I don't know what's normal in China, but it sounds like your mom has some kind of problem and the result has not been great for you.

It sounds like things parents would ask their kids in a K-drama?

@DeathByBigSad@sh.itjust.works @nostupidquestions@lemmy.worldSounds like emotional blackmailing.

The reason I don't use the term as an adult is because of emotional abuse exactly like this as a kid. You're being manipulated and it's not your fault

"normal" for what culture?

I mean family culture, not national-culture.

It seems to me that they're insecure, & committed to using you for their-own validation, & crowbarring you into remaining subjugated to that scam/game/manipulation.

( I had to go no-contact with both parents, for years at a time, for my survival: parental machiavellianism doesn't have to be conscious machiavellianism. I don't blame them, but did need to protect my life against their forcing-me-towards-breaking/failing, with all the personal-power I could muster. )

The oversimplification of "the 5 love languages", the oversimplification being that people are somehow "exclusively 1 XOR another", instead of being some mixture on a 5-dimension set-of-continuums/spectrums..

It seems your mother's means of showing-love is verbal, & she felt need to have verbal-expression-of-love for her.

The "5 love languages" thing.. when I found-out that some people NEED exchanging-of-things to feel loved, or to express love .. WTF??

TOTALLY not the way I'm wired.

Never EVER would have dawned-on-me that some people actually were wired that way.

But.. I've seen some people I knew who were wired that way!

Diversity-of-wiring's a thing, right?

So, I think it was you mom being wired for verbal emotional-meaning, AND her trying to manipulate you into being what protected/fed her established-when-she-was-growing-up dysfunction-habit, AND I wouldn't put 1 single cent on her being "to blame" for it, if she's never dug into conquering her own unconscious-mind. I think it was probably the result of the growing-up she lived in, just repeating, in variation.

Discard everything I wrote unless something in it is of value for you.

I've only experience & what seems to be understanding: I've no academic-accreditation, but neither did Socrates, my hero, either.

But if it is of value, then may your life be more-powerfully-awakening/autonomizing, owning your future-karma, more.

_ /\ _