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Dysphoria crisis. (lemmy.zip)
submitted 9 months ago by to c/mtf@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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Okay, so It's my first post. I don't know if this count as NSFW but just in case I'll put a spoiler.

Tap for spoilerSo... today i felt something that I had never felt before a big dysphoria crisis when my wife started to be a bit intimate with me.

I won't go into details, but basically I never though that my bottom part would cause me this feeling. I ended up crying because of what I felt... I can't really put words on it...

I never felt that before when I was still an egg. (Well, some things were less enjoyable but never this).

I don't really know what to think about it, why did my body react this way. Even though I never though about any surgery about it.

Even yesterday, I thought like I don't understand why some people would have dysphoria about their genitals. I though that we need to deconstruct gender and we can be feminine or masculine with any organs and this hits me like a slap I'm the face.

I feel foolish.

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[–] 15 points 9 months ago

I thought I was apathetic about My penis too, but it turns out I just didn't want a vagina. So I got genital nullification surgery. Now I have neither.

I go to the shops in leggings and to the beach in a bikini. I feel confident wearing miniskirts. I'm happier.

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    [–] 10 points 9 months ago* (1 child)

    Thank you for sharing. That has got to be such a shock. I can't imagine how you must have felt.

    I'm about a year on HRT, and I've been starting to feel some longing toward having female parts. I'm worried the same thing will happen to me.

    Is it inappropriate to ask if I can PM you about this?

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    • [–] 8 points 9 months ago

    This is super relatable for a lot of trans women. Trust me you are not alone in this.

    It is something complex and can hit you like an emotional equivalent of a truck. There’s no shame in letting your emotions go. You felt what you felt and that’s valid. You’re doing a great job in processing it by writing it down.

    Let us know if you want to talk about it more

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    [–] 7 points 9 months ago

    Exactly the reason I’m scrolling here, bottom dysphoria is hitting hard right now and I’ll come here to lighten the load.

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    [–] 5 points 9 months ago

    I also didn't feel any bottom dysphoria before I started medical transition, mostly indifference. Once the more pressing issues (like being perceived as a man socially) were resolved, bottom dysphoria started getting worse and worse until it was the only thing I could think about. I feel like my dysphoria in other areas didn't resolve but rather shifted toward bottom dysphoria. So there's definitely a component of "understanding" dysphoria before you can feel it, I guess?

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    [–] 4 points 9 months ago

    I’ll add to the pile. I wasn’t like super sure or at least didn’t have a plan when I was first starting, then it hit me like a truck after just a few months on HRT.

    I think I even made a post on Lemmy about it. Possibly very drunkenly. Such is life.

    If you feel foolish, then I wouldn’t worry! Hah, this journey has certainly made me feel like an idiot a few times, but actually starting to accept and even like myself a bit has been so beautiful, I can excuse my early (and sometimes ongoing) foolishness. It’s okay not to know, it’s okay to need time to figure it out, it’s okay to change your mind!

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