I've never been to Texas, but I'd imagine you can't walk a block without falling over at least 7 megachurches bilking money out of people by selling them 'pieces of the true cross'.

FTFY. Closest you can get to what you wrote would be crashing into them with your car.

Correction: one does not walk a block in Texas, for there are no sidewalks. One drives a block, like god intended! That's why we were born with wheels instead of legs.

(I've only ever been to San Antonio for a work thing and I am very bitter about the fact that attempting to walk the half-block between my hotel and the nearest grocery store for some snacks was an absolutely miserable experience due to poorly maintained sidewalks that disappeared and reappeared at random. To say nothing to the fact that my hotel was less than a mile from where I needed to go, but couldn't walk to, due to the mega-highway with no pedestrian crossing between the two.)

I’m a Texan who has lived all over the state. It isn’t that bad. The politicians are nuts, but the cities are mostly normal.

Driving between the cities though…you’ll see a lot of Jesus billboards.