Do you want to be trans? If so, then you already are trans.

I had thoughts of ‘what if I’m not really trans?’ while I was walking into the OR for top surgery, after being on HRT for something like a decade. My overwhelming feeling was excitement, but the doubt didn’t go away because that’s just the way I am. My ultimate conclusion was it doesn’t matter if I’m ‘really’ trans, if HRT and top surgery help me then that should be all the justification I need to get them. Same for anyone else.

The trades off are pretty simple.

On the negative you have to buy medicine which costs money. If you are male transitioning to female, you also have to do extra stuff like shave alot, although the hormones slow down hair growth.

Another negative is that your penis will not work nearly as well as it did.

Some more, discrimination, which is a bitch, and you become less able to defend yourself.

Become sterile under full doses of t blockers.

Some pros,

Happiness if that's what you want to do with your life.

Improved mental health under estrogen. Slightly improved physical health. Less anxiety, less extreme emotions. Estrogen was really good for my brain for some reason. Probably my favorite part tbh. The mental changes.

More attractive in general. For the other way, FtM, you will also probably also find yourself more attractive.

Stops balding. Lowers metabolism, probably adds a bit to your lifespan.

Not having to pretend to be a gender you aren't. It's a very cool thing to feel normal for once. In other words. It basically cures gender disphoria.

Some neutral things.

Lose a lot of friends but also become cooler to many others.

So basically what I would suggest, is, do you think it will make you happier, despite the additional challenges in life, like fitting in, finding work, having to pay for medicine? If so, I think it's very worth it. It made me way more happier then I thought it would. I have no regrets.

Also if you have bad gender disphoria, then also it might be a better life. I didn't realize how shitty I felt trying to be a guy until I finally stopped doing it.

Anyways don't let other people control your life take control of your own life. You don't need anyone's permission to be happy and to pursue your own happiness. If you can't do it yet then experiment with it. You don't have to have hrt to transition. I started to do it 3 years before I even started any medical stuff. Thought about it for many years before that.

Anyways good luck, and we are all going to die eventually anyways. All of us. Don't waste your life and don't fear death, fear being unhappy and wasting your life. People have their bodily and you have yours. Do what you want with it.

Ok. First and foremost, experiment with your gender, get people around you to refer to you by the pronouns you think you want, verify if you would feel comfortable with a different body (if you're mtf then get silicone fake boobs, try bra, try panties and so on). You cannot be faking, nobody who is faking has that question. But you can be unsure, you can understand yourself differently and so on. Also, if you're being influenced by trans media you consume, what in that media is attracting you to it?

As for the: I'm doing it for attention thing. You're not doing it for attention, nobody wants the attention of being a minority who could get killed in the streets for just existing. So yeah, don't buy into transmed bullshit, and just experiment for yourself. If you're happy being trans, good, if you aren't then you aren't and that's also good.

Not a doctor, but depending on your age, I believe puberty blockers have relatively minimal side effects and just "pause" things for prepubescent folks to figure stuff out.

I don't think you're faking, but even if you were "doing it for the attention", what's so bad about that? We modulate our behavior in countless other ways based on feedback we get from others, and the only problem is when you feel forced to do something that goes against your principals, right?