I have visited multiple therapists in my life and just had nothing to talk about because I already know exactly why I am acting how I am. I know why my life is fucked up and what I could do to fix it. I'm just not doing it

I envy the stupid and those with no self-awareness sometimes

I am simply unable to live a boring, middling life where I'm not curious about all the things

Ok, so obviously I am a dork. One of my fascinations is neurobiology. Unmanaged self-awareness actually IS the challenge for many people.

Really fresh research from a huge number of different groups is confirming this. Revved-up ‘Top-down’ processing (model-based processing, what your brain is trained to expect of the world) that is not moderated by interoceptive awareness (ability to sense internal body states clearly) leads to specific types of anxiety disorders.

‘Listening to your gut’ is a real thing and some people naturally struggle to do that, through either natural disposition or childhood trauma, or a combination of both.

I felt this so much. It's not just self-awareness, but awareness of the world around you.

I've been chatting with a close friend recently, and we both agree that it cause us tremendous pain to be so acutely aware. Being ignorant and looking away is not something we're capable of.