The mistake there is not recording a multi-layered clip of yourself responding in different voices. Time out a delay at the start so you can hit play, start walking, make the announcement and get the "reply" as you open the door.

It's the little details to sell the delusion that puts a spark of genuine fear into the drivers' eyes.

To anyone who feels the need to justify their order to their delivery person: don't.

I guarantee that they'll think about you more if you pull shit like this.

Literally just give them the money, take the pizza, wish them a good night and close the fucking door.

I promise that they don't give any shits what you do with the pizza. Just tip appropriately for your region.

Am I missing something? Empty house and pizza sounds like a perfect evening to me.

while living off post in hampton roads I visited a buddy's apartment and he ordered pizza. The pizza guy didn't even knock just walked and said "Hi Ben, what are you playing tonight?" and set out the pizzas and breadsticks on the table, grabbed a slice, then sat down on the couch while ben packed a bong hit for him.

I was like, whoa, uh... and ben was like: "Yeah, he's also my dealer."

Lady, I don't give a shit about your theatrics, I only judge if you're a lousy tipper.*

*in the US.

1 pizza alone is only a little sad.

20 pizzas while alone is when you've really hit rock bottom.

Here, it's the norm to eat an entire pizza by yourself. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I just woke up and am slow and bleary-eyed.

I could have sworn the second sentence said a bear ran down with the delivery man's face - because he knew.

And I was a tad shocked.

Whenever I delivered a pizza to an empty house or to someone who didn't order a pizza it was great, cause I got to have it. Was one of the few perks of that job.

Is it because she's scared of the delivey guy or because she's embarrassed to eat the pizza alone?

-cheesy crust on the third ? -oh, that is a resounding yes

I read this in a really dark way

When my wife and kids are way i love nothing more than ordering a pizza and eating it all gradually throughout the night

Speaking as a pizza guy, we know and don't care. I'm not here to judge you for your order or how haggard you look when you open the door. I only judge you based on how well you tip for the service I provide. My store has several regular customers who essentially use us for meal prep and order enough food to last a week. I couldn't care less about how much you order or how many people you're feeding. If you're not a shitty customer, you'll likely be forgotten as soon as I'm on my next delivery.

whilst living in the woods I visited my moon friend's apartment and he ordered pizza. The pizza guy didn't even knock just climbed the tree, vaulted through the window hole and said "Hi Ben, what are you playing tonight?" and set out pizzas and grenades on the table, pulled a pin, and then sat down with us under the leaf blanket while ben cleaned his rifle and sucked him off.

I was like, woah, uh... and ben was like: "Yeah, he's also my dad"

I always wanted to be a delivery man. If they invite me and I get to play with their console and eat some of the food.

This is why I pick up and ask for extra silverware

I make my own pizza so no one needs to know how many people are or are not eating them.

But why does it always come with a doughnut hole in the middle?