a cartoonish cooking montage where i stir three bowls at once using both of my hands and one foot

Bring them some figgy pudding.

As I haven't got a ha'penny, I hope they will ask god to bless me.

Aim my death star at their home planet and destroy it and after that serve the cold fight pudding

I don't negotiate with carolers, trick or treaters, or encyclopedia salesmen.

If it's past 9 p.m., they'll get their figgy pud' served at high velocity to their pie-hole.
Direct Currant, that.

Ill show them my "figgy pudding" and let them lick it right from the "bowl"

Oh, they'll get something.

Probably half a brick from an upstairs window.

Kick a flaming baby Jesus plastic nativity figure at them from my neighbor’s house as I try to steal their kid’s gift for my own child.

I'ma get the garden hose.