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[–] 20 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)
  • [–] 12 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

    Not to sound too much like the end of Star Trek 5, but why does laser eye Jesus need guns?

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  • [–] 5 points 3 weeks ago*

    Are you asking why does a man with one weapons system need another weapon system? Are you serious? Dude, it's more weapon system! 2 weapon system > 1 weapon system you fucking noob!

    See, that's why he's the king of the Jews and you're just some joe shmoe nobody.

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  • [–] 10 points 3 weeks ago
    [–] 10 points 3 weeks ago (1 child)

    I swear Jesus gets whiter in every depiction. At this point, the unicorn is more believable

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  • [–] 8 points 3 weeks ago*

    Volume 1: HAIL TO THE KING OF THE JEWS, BABY!

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  • [–] 7 points 3 weeks ago

    Jesus is back and this time he's pissed!

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  • [–] 6 points 3 weeks ago

    Pilate said unto Jesus “surely you must be Jew-king”

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  • [–] 5 points 3 weeks ago

    Buttstallion?!?

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  • [–] 5 points 3 weeks ago (4 children)

    Isn't the book of Mormon or whatever actually just "Bible: 2"?

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  • [–] 5 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

    Kinda, yeah. It's more like the "Newest New Testament" in practice. Which also means that the New Testament is more like "Torah 2: Back for Revenge!"

    Though they call it The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ."

    As if it's just a remix or a cover.

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  • [–] 4 points 3 weeks ago

    I think Jewish people divide the Tanakh into the Torah, the Nevi'im, and the Ketuvim, so the New Testament would have to be at least Torah 4: Prophet & Saviour. Or, more likely, a spin-off story set in the same extended universe: The Tanakh Presents: Jesus & Paul.

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  • [–] 4 points 3 weeks ago

    I remember reading the Norwegian satirist Are Kalvøs sequel of the Bible, and finding it very enjoyable.

    I doubt this version can top a burnt out Christ hounded by PR consultants and everyone else wanting in on the action, while he himself only wants to play in a band singing songs about the trustworthiness of Pharisees.

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  • [–] 4 points 3 weeks ago

    Uzi Jesus got some upgrades.

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  • [–] 3 points 3 weeks ago

    Electric Boogaloo

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  • [–] 3 points 3 weeks ago

    Is this Bible written by Pete Hegseth?

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  • The Mormons would've had a lot more buy in if this were their new holy book.

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  • [–] 0 points 3 weeks ago (4 children)
  • [–] 5 points 3 weeks ago* (3 children)
  • [–] 1 point 3 weeks ago (2 children)

    The Goodreads cover is completely different. The reason I ask is the weird bullet feed ending at the shoulder, but I guess that's supposed to be it waving in the air or something.

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