I loved him so much. I stayed awake when he was sick, cried when he was sad, and shared all his pain. But he eventually said we were incompatible and left me. Now I keep wondering if our breakup was my fault. If I had been less emotionally dependent and given him more space, would he have stayed and been faithful, or am I just blaming myself for his choices?

He was the one who proposed to me first, telling me how much he loved me, and I accepted his proposal. Everything was going smoothly. Then, after his birthday, he told me he was feeling emotionally drained and wanted to break up with me. This was the first time I pleaded and begged him to stay. The next day, he agreed to stay, and things became lovey dovey again.

The second time, he said he couldn't commit to me because of his family. I cried and begged him to stay, but eventually, I accepted the situation. After that, we took some space, and a month later, he came back and confessed his love for me again. He said he wanted to commit to me and spend his whole life with me.

After that, everything was going fine again. The third breakup happened when he said he was exhausted and was the kind of person who couldn't feel love every day. He said I was too emotional, needed reassurance, and was emotionally dependent on him. But the main reason I kept asking for reassurance was that he had already threatened to leave me twice. I was afraid he would leave again because he had already done it before.

As for emotional dependency, he was the kind of person who could spend an entire day alone without texting or calling me. Whenever we talked, i was usually the one who initiated the conversation.

The fourth breakup happened when he was talking to other girls. Everything seemed fine, but I noticed that he was becoming distant. I had a gut feeling that something was wrong, so I asked him what was going on and how he was feeling. He then told me he wanted to break up because I seemed like AI, we lived far away from each other, and he needed an emotional connection. He wanted a girl he could hug and someone who could be physically closer to him.

I asked him if he was talking to someone else or wanted to date someone who lived closer to him. I told him that if that was the case, he could be honest with me.

Then I remembered something he had once told me that whenever he wanted to leave, he would come back to me like a boomerang. He had also told me that I didn't have an ego, that I always tried to stop him from leaving because I was a good person, and that he loved me.

So, once again, I tried to stop him from leaving. The next day, he agreed to stay, and he sent me another lovey dovey message. He said he saw a future with me, wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, and wanted to become a better person for me. He even called me his emotional anchor and said I had brought him out of darkness. He said I was the kind of girl he could see himself spending his life with.

Everything seemed fine again. Then he came to meet me, and while scrolling through his phone, I came across his ChatGPT history. I found things that made me realise he had been exploring other girls and sexual possibilities.

When I confronted him about it, he said, Now you have a valid reason to leave me. You can leave me. He also said he no longer had any feelings for me and that he was emotionally drained.

It was the same person who, just a few minutes earlier, had been telling me that he loved me. But after I confronted him about what I had found, he suddenly said he didn't love me anymore and told me I could leave him.

I understand that I may have contributed to our relationship problems, but how am I supposed to make sense of all these things? It makes me question whether he genuinely wanted to be with me or was just keeping me around

if he felt guilty about not wanting to continue, why did he repeatedly leave me crying, begging him to stay, and unable to sleep? He was the one who told me I was his choice and that he could change his choice. Just minutes before I caught him cheating, he was talking about fighting for us, but after I confronted him, he smirked and told me to leave because now I had a “valid reason” to break up with him. He even said I was the reason for everything and that I was no longer his priority. Then, just 14 days after our breakup, he sent a gift to a girl he had a crush on a year ago on her birthday

Was our breakup my fault? If I had been less emotionally dependent and given him more space, would he have stayed and been faithful, or was I blaming myself for his choices? Another thing I found in his ChatGPT history was that he said he urgently needed s....x. He also mentioned that his friends brought girls over and that they were having fun in the room next to his, which was distracting him. What I don't understand is how someone can keep a girl emotionally attached to him by repeatedly saying he loves her and wants to spend his life with her, while apparently thinking about other girls and s....

I’m honestly struggling to make sense of everything because he did show me care and affection at times, which makes it hard for me to believe that he never loved me. But the repeated breakup threats and betrayal really hurt me.

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[–] 7 points 1 month ago (6 children)

Good Lord. You should have listened to him the first time he left or at very least the second. He is absolutely not the right person for you. You should never need to beg a person who loves you to stay. Not once. Certainly not multiple times. I doubt he ever loved you. Desired you? maybe. Wanted a relationship (with anyone)? Again maybe. Nor do you love him. You're overly attached, yes. You don't and maybe never trusted him. Next step. Find yourself as an independent person. Only then, if you still want a relationship, try to find someone that is a good friend that you also desire and share life goals with.

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  • [–] [S] 1 point 1 month ago

    I loved him and trusted him initially, but when he threatened to leave me again and again, my trust began to break too. I started feeling insecure because I never knew when he would give up on us again...and thank u for helping me

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  • [–] 1 point 1 month ago* (4 children)

    I would also recommend tjhat they themselves Rush@thelemmy.club become more independent. How are you begging a person who broke up with you 5 times to stay with you? Thats insanity.

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  • [–] [S] 1 point 3 weeks ago (3 children)

    Because every time he broke up with me he would still say there were chances for us and whenever i finally tried to accept it and move on he'd come back saying he loved me even more than before. so i kept holding on to that hope. it's like my mind kept believing his words over the reality of what he was doing.

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  • [–] 2 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

    Words will always be useless. NEVER believe the words of anyone. Even the words of your parents. Even the words of your children. Even the words of those who lie and say they 'lOvE yOu' .

    People lie with words as if they breathe air - it is IMPOSSIBLE to lie with actions, however. Believe actions not words. Nothing is substantial until it is substantiated

    I could say to everyome on lemmy right now that "Im bill gates" or that " I have discovered the cure to cancer and its cheap and all you have to do is pay me for it!" ....Does anyone here believe my words?

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  • [–] [S] 1 point 3 weeks ago (1 child)

    But what about the actions in the beginning? When someone genuinely makes you feel loved and acts like they mean every word how do you know it was all fake? That's the part i struggle with. I miss the version of him i knew in the beginning, tbh.

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  • [–] 1 point 3 weeks ago

    If someone does something with you or for you for a few days or a few years they arent doing it for you. Theyre doing it for themselves.

    Real love requires pain staking amounts of time. A DECADE or even DECADES. Nothing less. If a person cant devote a decade or more to being your close friend or your lover they never have and never will care about you.

    Think about it. What type of hobby or hobbies or skills have you picked up in your life? Now ask yourself which hobby do you enjoy doing that you have not done routinely for less than a decade? ... (you wont find any)

    If a person really loves something theyll keep on and keep on and keep on coming back to it for about a decade's time or even longer. THAT shows true devotion to that thing. This same rulle applies to relationships with other human beings ....

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  • [–] 5 points 1 month ago (1 child)

    Sounds like you need to figure out who you are and stop attaching yourself to shitty people.

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  • [–] 2 points 1 month ago

    Live your life in a way that youll love it whether youre alone or in a relationship with others . You dont know if you have already met or will meet the love of your life or a person who doesnt care about your life. So you should try to love your life for yourself in the meantime, right?

    Sometimes you just have to be happy being alone sadly. We are social creatures indeed I get that…but sometimes…

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  • [–] 5 points 1 month ago (1 child)

    I just had a make up break up relationship finally end. I'm telling you, you two never loved each other. Don't dwell on it. My ex literally gave up on life and said she wasn't strong enough. After I gave my all. She gave nothing. I can't say that enough. Nothing.

    She even quit the highest paying job she'll ever have to go move across the country and live in an empty trailer, abandoned trailer park, in the middle of the desert. A place the TV show Cops probably filmed a lot in. She lost her love and relegated herself to that life.

    See things clearly. People either make choices that support you and the relationship or they make choices for themselves to fulfill their immediate needs. Identify it and don't hang around next time.

    I did what I did because I was ready to commit. I wanted to see if change could happen. It didn't and it's time for someone else. Someone else deserves that space in my life and to have my attention. Not her. Not someone who wants to leave every other week.

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  • [–] [S] 2 points 1 month ago

    Thank you for taking the time to reply and share your experience with me. I really appreciate it❤️ I think I needed to hear this from someone who has been through something similar. Lol ngl, I was genuinely ready to leave everything behind for him, even my city, because I truly saw a future with him. But he was someone who kept putting his own comfort above everything else. He would even ignore me while we were walking together, busy texting his friends, and I’d feel like I wasn’t even there. I used to cry almost 10 days every month because he kept dismissing my needs and making me feel like I was asking for too much..

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  • [–] 8 points 1 month ago (2 children)

    No, it's not your fault.

    Yes, there's a challenge for you: love yourself first. Sounds like a cliche but is the sheer truth (if I am correctly interpreting we are alike)

    Take this time "alone" as the opportunity it is, to connect with yourself. There's so much love that you can give... Make it yours.

    A better partner will come when you may not even be looking for one. Do what you love, and they'll be there awaiting for you in that bright (but now uncertain) future!!

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  • [–] 1 point 1 month ago

    A better partner will come when you may not even be looking for one.

    Incorrect. Relationships are a privilege not a humam right. Nobody is assured a relationship.

    You should live a life you love regardless of who comes along or not.

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  • [–] 4 points 1 month ago

    Yikes, that sucks. I'm sorry to hear what you're going through!

    As I see it, this isn't really your fault.

    I think the guy initially loved you and associated you with the good feeling. Because of that, you are a 'good person' in his mind. However, now that he feels deprived of certain things (like physical intimacy), he thinks he needs to look elsewhere. Since you still register as a good person due to that prior association, he doesn't want to break up completely. He can further rationalize this by viewing you as a safety net, i.e. if everything else fails, he can still come back to you and feel the way he used to.

    Basically, as I see it, there is definitely some incompatibility at play, and it's not because of anything you did wrong. If there was any way to stay with him, it might have eventually turned into him cheating, which would have hurt you even more than now.

    I am incredibly sorry for what you are going through. Times like these are painful and don't lend themselves to rational thought. But, you will eventually get through them. I suggest trying to spend some time alone, with friends, or taking walks while listening to (non-sad/non-breakup) music. Try to distance yourself from the feeling and redirect the emotional dependency you have on him elsewhere.

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  • Goddamn. He seems like a real piece o' work.

    Maybe I'm just a radical anti-AI gal, but the erratic behavior seems a bit like the stories I've heard about AI-psychosis.

    Regardless, treat yourself real good, and enjoy your precious time in this world. I'd offer advice on meeting people, but I don't really do that very much lol

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  • [–] 2 points 1 month ago*

    Ill just put in a bit of relationship advice that I think will be useful for someine who reads it: Never base all your happiness on another human, humans have proven that we can be the most disappointing or cold species of all times.

    Live your life in a way that youll love it whether youre alone or in a relationship with others . You dont know if you have already met or will meet the love of your life or a person who doesnt care about your life. So you should try to love your life for yourself in the meantime, right?

    Sometimes you just have to be happy being alone sadly. We are social creatures indeed I get that...but sometimes...

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  • [–] [S] 2 points 1 month ago

    But one thing I still don't understand is, was emotionally cheating on me really necessary? If he wanted to explore other girls or experience life outside our relationship, why couldn't he just be honest with me and end things instead of repeatedly promising me a future together? I would have been heartbroken, but at least I would have had the truth. Thank you for taking the time to read my story and share your perspective. I genuinely appreciate it. ❤️

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