Pffft amateurs. I'd just drink 3 litres of gasoline and shove a timed fuse down my throat. Everyone in the church will think satan is coming to get me

I had to remove a few pacemaker batteries when I worked at a crematory. We threw them in bin in the processing room and until they ran out of juice, they'd beep like crazy periodically. They're made like that so that while the person is alive, they'll know when it's disconnected.

It was drilled into our heads that the crematory retort would be RUINED if one of those things went in with the person.

edit: typo and more context.

Swallow condoms filled with unpopped popcorn

But I died with a smirk.

and don't forget the spice packet

Doesn't matter whose watching if you can hear that shit from the next county.

Says the guy trying not to look like a serial killer.

Rudy has fallen on some hard times, it's the only gig he could get.