You can also buy travel bidets. Basically squeeze bottles that you can direct to the right places. Not as good as an actual bidet, but better than nothing.

Truth. Ruined for life in the best way.

My exact same experience after having visited the Philippines. I got the washlet-style bidet that attaches to the toilet seat area, and as the other reply to your comment suggests, I have a portable bidet as well, as a backup. Bidets are unquestionably the best thing since breathable air.

And yes, if I have to scrape, it feels horrible. Like casually reaching into a septic tank and swirling an arm around.

Try finger but hole.

Who shits anyway? Just go elbow deep, grab that sonova and drag it outta 'ere.

I wrap my fist in TP, like a bottle brush, for my asshole

Love my Japanese toilets. It's funny that people find them gross here. I think it's gross to only use paper to remove shit from your ass. If you get shit on your hands, would you only wipe them with paper?

Yarp, and when you are cutting jalapenos and accidentally touch your eyes it doubles as an emergency eye wash. /s

I do love my bidet though

Toilet paper is also for cleaning the seat and rim of the bowl, every single time. Bidets shouldn't be amazing, but given traditional society, they certainly are.

I bet your ass smells like apple pie.

Ya seriously, if you have enough structure to your poop you won't need to scoop. You can pull them out like when you make a small cut just big enough for 1 wiener in a pack of hot dogs to limit oxidation.

Fiber is fantastic for emptying the bowels, but doesn’t obviate the need for toilet hygiene.

Also I’m pretty sure OOP meant scooping (or rather scraping) the shit from between the ass cheeks, not plowing into the farthest reaches of the bowels using an excavator. I could be wrong, though.

Because a lot of fear, outright ignorance, misconceptions, and other internalized beliefs.

In some cases people talk about “shit water running down my legs!”, so I don’t think they can visualize the water falling down into the bowl, and leaning a bit to one side to wipe dry. Or (possibly? idk) they think you stand up to use the bidet.

Another one is fear of the spray spreading bacteria around, or the like.

Then there is that the admittedly low bar for entry of installing the bidets is enough friction to not deviate from scraping-based insanity.

Best argument for getting a bidet I've heard. Imagine getting poo anywhere on your body, you'd be rinsing it off with water. Why not your butthole? Needless to say I have one in each of my bathrooms.