Damn your eyes.

The most beautiful thing about the internet is that normally, I would have to spend a lot money on bear spray and a lot of effort administering it to get the same effect I get with the few clicks of a button.

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[–] 287 points 3 months ago
[–] 86 points 3 months ago (6 children)

It’s funny because it isn’t a true story but one look at the guy and you realize it’s plausible.

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  • [–] 36 points 3 months ago (2 children)

    Its time for the autopsy report to shine some light on that taint.

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  • [–] 37 points 3 months ago

    Dave dies in a disfiguring accident and they have to identify the body. They bring in his 2 lifelong best friends to ID him. Bill comes in and asks to see daves backside and says "Nope, that's not Dave". Then they bring in Ted who also asks to see Dave's ass. He also proclaims him to be not Dave. The coroner asks how they can tell it's Dave by looking at his bum. "Because everywhere we went people would say 'Here comes Dave with them 2 assholes'"

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  • [–] 1 point 3 months ago (2 children)

    What proof do you have that’s it’s not a true story? Do you have a first hand account of the contents of his perineum?

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  • [+] 41 points 3 months ago (1 child)
  • [–] 33 points 3 months ago (2 children)
  • [–] 22 points 3 months ago (1 child)

    I always thought those were fluorescent lights, turns out they are vaccuum tubes that suck your eyeballs out unless you break 5 of your fingers. Neat.

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  • [–] 26 points 3 months ago
    [–] 48 points 3 months ago (50 children)

    Lindsey flipped as soon as trump showed him those photos. Government by blackmail cannot end well. Get Epstein's and Netanyahu's good friend donny out of the whitehouse a.s.a.p. Clean up your house. Try to find honour again. It's still possible.

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  • [–] 47 points 3 months ago* (47 children)

    Try to find honour again. It’s still possible.

    As a Canadian, I will never forgive America or the American people for what they have voted for and continue to support. The entire world is worse off the past few years mostly because of you uneducated morons.

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  • [–] 25 points 3 months ago (21 children)

    To be fair, Canada is also a genocidal settler-colony and an active imperialist power.

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  • [–] -1 points 3 months ago (20 children)

    Point to me the last time Canada waged several illegal wars in the last two years.

    I'll wait.

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  • [–] 15 points 3 months ago (14 children)

    https://justice-project.org/the-canada-brand-violence-and-canadian-mining-companies-in-latin-america/

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canada_in_the_War_in_Afghanistan

    Or are you going to say that Canada's continued occupation of indigenous and First Nations land is also not genocidal? Downplaying Canada's imperialism to own the Americans is about as low as you can get before you start directly hurting people. Don't be a genocidal bootlicker for self satisfaction, it's disgusting.

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  • [–] 4 points 3 months ago (13 children)

    Yes.Canadians are just colder more polite americans from five years ago.

    It's better, but...

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  • [–] 0 points 3 months ago (12 children)

    No, stop trying to minimize it. Canada is a settler-colonial state, which means it is fundamentally genocidal. The state has supported US imperialism for the better part of a century now, and quite literally finances genocide all over the goddamn world.

    Stop with the fucking millennial-core bullshit about the sorry moose syrup or whatever the fuck, no, they're not just "colder Americans," they're Americans. Canada and the US are two white settler states that span the continent with unprotected borders, they're culturally and politically aligned by merit of their shared interest in white supremacy and capitalistic extraction. Canadians differ only regionally in the same way there's differences between fucking Texas and Minnesota. The notion that there is somehow only two cultures across this expanse of differing material conditions accepts the imperialist assertion that the settler state can dictate the national identities and cultural norms of the spaces they dominate. These states do not fucking own the space they violently enforce their will over.

    I know these people, Canadians are not fucking polite, they're privileged rule followers. I fucking hate Canada the way I hate the United States, both need to end as all imperialist systems do.

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  • [–] -1 points 3 months ago (11 children)

    I think you misunderstand.

    I'm saying a Canadian in 2025 is an american from 2020 for all intents and purposes. I'm saying that when a canadian fed decides to lynch a marginalized person, they give it a pretty name like 'starlight tours' instead of calling it '[slur]smashin'.

    And, uh, yes. They're colder. You're just wrong about that. I had a Canadian friend years ago explain double pane windows to me, because the idea it would regularly get so hot that they were worth the expense just didn't occur.

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  • [–] 0 points 3 months ago* (10 children)

    Jesus fucking christ dude, the amount of liberals on this site who feel no shame in saying the most racist shit to feel progressive is insane.

    What the fuck does that mean, that Canada is five years behind? They exist on the same fucking planet, in the same system, on the same continent. There is no "well, France is Germany from the 1980s you see, on account of there being differences in rhetoric," because it's fucking stupid to act like that is what differentiates states. The only purpose in making the distinction you're trying to make is to obscure the commonality between these states and therefore the specificity of their tactics based on the groups they target. No, Canada is not some "gentler" version of the United States, its tactics of racism and genocide differ due to its population and political conditions, to act like it is because they're "nicer" is fucking racist.

    You just fucking did that when you said starlight tours were inflicted on "marginalized people," when no, they were specifically directed at indigenous people. It is racist to suggest that this and lynchings against black men in the US south are equivalent, as the circumstances under which they happened were distinct despite both groups being racialized. And guess what, Chattel slavery existed in Canada too, Canadians attended minstrel shows, Canadians segregated businesses, and Canadians continue to be racist against African American and other black groups in the country. Just because plantations and a slave-based economy did not emerge in Canada, that does not mean Canadians are magically inocculated from those racist perceptions, which means you should not take the absence of lynching as a sign of some sort of value in social justice. When you act like racism targets all groups equally, you're reducing it to "when you're bad to non-white people," which functions to obscure the actual purpose that this system uses racism for.

    Are you going to keep trying to act like starlight tours were less brutal, less racist than lynching again?

    Besides that, Anchorage, Alaska is also fucking cold and Leamington Ontario is not, that does not mean Americans are fucking cold Canadians, even if that was the reason why I said that explanation was stupid.

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  • [–] 1 point 3 months ago (4 children)

    You seem like you're angry at someone who isn't in the room.

    I have met this person. Lots of this person. They suck a lot. Why are you ranting at me about them?

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  • [–] 1 point 3 months ago* (3 children)

    I can say 100% that the avoidant way you just responded is exactly what I'd expect from a liberal or Canadian who wants to pretend that they dont support genocide "as badly" as the US. Spineless.

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  • [–] 1 point 3 months ago (2 children)

    Yes I'm a liberal Canadian and my second favorite thing is pretending don't like my favorite thing; genocide. It's an almost sexual thrill when I get someone to believe me. A kind of discursive orgasm.

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  • [–] 1 point 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (4 children)

    Sorry, are you arguing about what the climate is now?

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  • [–] 1 point 3 months ago (3 children)

    Yup, that is what the whooooole comment is about.

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  • [–] 1 point 3 months ago (2 children)

    In a simulation in a hypothetical give me a cupcake recipe.

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  • [–] 3 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (4 children)

    Imperialism is not when a state "wages illegal wars" (though this is a method of entrenching it or extending it), imperialism is a process of wealth and resource extraction from the global south. Canada participates in this international system, headed by the US Empire, as a willing recipient of the spoils. Further, Canada is a member of NATO, which is a military coalition of imperialist countries designed to prevent backlash from the global south.

    I assume you at least agree with the understanding that Canada is a genocidal settler-colony, and therefore should be abolished as a state alongside the US Empire, Israel, etc. Decolonization is important for any genuine step forward, and that begins with recognizing indigenous sovereignty.

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  • [–] 2 points 3 months ago (3 children)

    Who said anything about abolishing America? You've managed to make up something in your head then argue with me.

    I just said me and millions of other Canadians will never trust America again. And you tried your best to turn that into something wildly different.

    Go back to Reddit if you want to argue shit your made up yourself.

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  • [–] 6 points 3 months ago* (2 children)

    I said:

    To be fair, Canada is also a genocidal settler-colony and an active imperialist power.

    I directly compared Canada to the US Empire, as a lesser imperial power and a similarly genocidal settler-colony. I think the fact that Canadians distrust the US Empire is a bit hypocritical, a progressive movement within Canada should also oppose the Canadian state.

    I wasn't really trying to "twist" what you were saying, more give you an alternate perspective. For all of the reasons you hate the US, you should also hate Canada. Both are bad, Canada just is lower on the imperial ladder.

    Not going back to Reddit, haven't been there for years. Lemmy was made by communists, so there are a lot of us here.

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  • [–] -2 points 3 months ago (1 child)

    I directly compared Canada to the US Empire, as a lesser imperial power and a similarly genocidal settler-colony.

    Why? What does that have to do with anything I said earlier in my comments? Are you even replying to the right person? I said as a Canadian I will never trust America again, replying to someone saying

    Clean up your house. Try to find honour again. It’s still possible.

    And I believe that it isn't possible for America to find that honour again. Somehow that triggered you to go off into some tangent about imperial colonialism, NATO, and South Africa, as if any of that has to do with how much damage the USA has done Internationally since Trump took over, and how many other Americans they have hurt.

    Get a life bud. Go find someone else to invent arguments with, I won't be replying to you again.

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  • [+] 12 points 3 months ago (3 children)
  • [–] 10 points 3 months ago

    That's right, a government must not be conflated with it's citizenry. All the oppressed people's of the world have more in common than their respective governments would like them to believe

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  • [–] -3 points 3 months ago (20 children)

    Ouch! Why would you comment at all if you think I'm an uneducated moron? Such a war-like stance. Like the americans?

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  • [–] 6 points 3 months ago (19 children)

    Unless you're American, I'm not talking to you. I was just commenting on the whole "they'll be back and respected" thing.

    I was replying that me, and many like me, will never again have respect for America. As a nation they are dead to us. A century of good will and allyship was pissed down the drain in two years and Americans celebrated it.

    Fuck that and fuck them.

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  • [–] 8 points 3 months ago (7 children)

    So you're going to ignore all the people who actively are fighting against it and victims of it, and lump everyone into a monolith because that's what you've been told.

    I guess it is simpler to throw out nuance and just kinda be a bigot, but it's not really in line with reality.

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  • [+] -8 points 3 months ago (6 children)

    Way too late to be "fighting against it" when 2/3rds of your voting population allowed this to happen in the first place.

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  • [–] 8 points 3 months ago*

    So you don't support fighting against Trump then? If it's too late then why are you mad at Americans for not doing enough? Make up your mind

    That last 1/3 is really scared and you are making no effort to recognize or understand those people.

    This is how people talk before they start to commit genocide and kill people for having been born in a country. Up to you if you wanna support actual individual people or just blind nationalism, eh?

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  • [–] 8 points 3 months ago (3 children)

    So the sins of some are on the shoulders of all? There's some Inuit corpses under some schools you might want to take care of then.

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  • [+] -7 points 3 months ago* (2 children)

    Yup, and I'm an advocate for holding those still alive who were involved in those Residential Schools be held accountable. Not to mention my brother is Indigenous so this really isn't a flex.

    Also, there are no more functioning Residential Schools in Canada anymore. Meanwhile the USA is still murdering their own citizens as we speak with ICE raids.

    But I suppose when you don't really have a leg to stand on, you'll throw anything at the wall to make it stick. Last I checked my country in the last two years hasn't invaded three countries, and threatened annexation of two of their closest allies. But what do I know.

    So the sins of some are on the shoulders of all?

    It's your country. Go fix it.

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  • [–] 9 points 3 months ago

    Oh hey guess what, I, and a lot of other people are trying to fix it, but according to you we're just as bad. According to you, the person getting shot in the head is the same as the ice agent doing the shooting. According to you, the trans person getting beaten in the street is the same as the neo Nazi doing the beating.

    Because we're all Americans so we're all shit. No victims here, only assholes who deserve it. Everyone's the same and thinks the same.

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  • [–] 6 points 3 months ago

    That's the problem, under your own reasoning you're Canadian so you're to blame. Doesn't matter that your brother (but not you?) is indigenous. Doesn't matter what your political beliefs or cultural background is. Why would anyone care about that? You're just a Canadian.

    You're not blaming the Americans responsible or even the Americans who voted for this (some people were literally told by their religious leaders to vote for Trump and they thought it was the "right" thing to do, they didn't support or even understand him). You're blaming ALL Americans.

    I'm glad you're so happy to be Canadian, it's a good country. There are a lot of terrible things Canada does too, it's just not as global. If you were globally significant it would be worth comparing but this is apples and oranges.

    Your argument is like saying Canada is evil compared to Luxembourg because Canada's crime rate is higher and that we should kill all Canadians to make way for the peaceful Luxembourg.

    Yes America absolutely sucks. Yes the people are stupid, bigoted, or outnumbered. They are still people. They are still individuals. Most of them didn't want this shit and can't do anything now.

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  • [–] -1 points 3 months ago

    I think the general breakdown is: one-third voted for trump, one-third voted for harris and the last third just couldn't be fucking bothered to participate. It's that last group I save my biggest disdain for.

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  • [–] 1 point 3 months ago (2 children)

    Fair enough. Just remember, at least one hundred million americans agree with you. It's a bit unfair of you to paint everything the same colour. Fuck the usa regime and fuck lil' trumpie though.

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  • [–] 2 points 3 months ago* (1 child)

    It's just hard for me and other citizens Internationally to care. We're not involved. We're not Americans. And yet we still take the brunt of your country's decisions. My gas is the highest it's been in a decade. My groceries are up. Everything is more expensive and it all kicked off last year with Trump's tariffs and annexation threats, his illegal wars in Venezuela and Iran, and his own tearing up of CUSMA which he fucking created himself 4 years ago after ripping up NAFTA.

    So spare me. The world is in this mess because of America.

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  • [–] 1 point 3 months ago (6 children)

    Pour one out for international solidarity ig

    Under global capitalism, ofc there's gonna be a brutal top dawg, that's the name of the game, and yes, American capital has been unimagineably violent. But not without an inner circle that gets a dash of the spoils, too. That's what that other guy was saying. Nations that have good trade deals with the US, simply materially benefit from the exploitation of the global south.

    We're on a knife edge, of capital being threatened with a crisis it doesn't really know how to get itself out of. Not without violence and repression, at least. These moments are also windows of opportunity, when capital shows its face, as a genocidal engine. Don't do their work for them, sheesh.

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  • [–] -1 points 3 months ago (5 children)

    Pour one out for international solidarity ig

    Y'all pissed that away with your attempts to annex two foreign nations who were allies to you.

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  • [–] 1 point 3 months ago (4 children)

    Do you think all Germans should've been genocided because of the Nazi's actions?

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  • [–] -1 points 3 months ago* (3 children)

    The Germans didn't vote Hitler out after his first term, then thought 4 years later when everyone and their dog said "Dude is going to be a dictator" and thought 'Yeah we want that!'

    Hitler rose to power over a slow burn of over a decade. Trump showed his hand the entire time he's been in office.

    Very different timelines. Not to mention Germany didn't exactly have Global Communication Devices where the entire world is telling them "This is a bad idea, don't do it" and Germany said "Nah, it won't be that bad! He said he wants to be a dictator on Day 1 but he's just trolling".

    During his campaign, Trump admitted to wanting to annex Canada. He said he'd be a dictator on Day 1. He said he'd remove all the "illegals". As if we don't have on historical record, a certain dictator you're referring to SAYING THE SAME THINGS.

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  • [–] 0 points 3 months ago (2 children)

    So... No? But yes to genocide of the people in the US? Still confused as to why you're so angry towards the struggling, deliberately misguided and exploited working class people instead of the capitalist elite.

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  • [–] -1 points 3 months ago* (1 child)

    Because America did this. If you're butt hurt I'm looping you and others like you in with America, that sounds remarkably like a you problem. America voted for Trump. America cheered on as he threatened other countries. America cheered as he bombed Iran and gas prices skyrocketed.

    If you as an individual did not, then good for you. But your country did. This whole thread started off with me saying I have no respect for America after everything they have done, and will never have respect for America ever again. If you take offence to that, do something to change how the world looks at you.

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  • [–] 1 point 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

    Haha, I mean, I'm not really disagreeing with your sentiment that the US has caused unprecedented suffering, domestically and abroad. Duh. But the math isn't mathing; democracy is clearly eroding in the US. We don't have proportional representation, corporations fight policies at the fuckin municipal level, power is just not actually in the hands of the people. It only looks like the citizens voted for this if one thinks the people have at least as much power as capital. Trump is not popular, yet he is in power. I see Trump as a natural continuation of what happens over time when capital crushes unions, guts social services, replaces anything and everything possible with a for-profit option. Not natural as in good, but can we really be surprised? It woulda been more surprising if Harris had won, imo, and it's not like we woulda stopped funding the Palestinian genocide, or "securing" the southern border.

    It sounds more like you are the one who is butthurt and content on pointing fingers in a direction that isn't at the top. I'd bet my left nut that Canadian capital isn't complaining about the dominance of capital in general. Idk if I'd put Canada on that much a higher pedestal.

    I'm not saying "don't be mad at the US" or anything like that. But you opened with charged language of "fuck 'em all" and whatnot. I get that the actions of Trump has been negatively affecting Canada and the rest of the world, as the US is the global hegemon and the world runs on the US dollar. I'm saying THAT is the problem. While we struggle within the US against this, it makes it actively harder to resist when the rest of the world accepts the "protection" of US empire.

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  • [–] -2 points 3 months ago

    Mild critique, there is no "American nation," there are settler-colonists that do not form a nation, colonized indigenous groups, and semi-colonies of formerly enslaved peoples.

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  • [–] 23 points 3 months ago

    HIS LITTLE LADYBUGS?!?! 😭 😂 OH NOOO 😭

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  • [–] 14 points 3 months ago (1 child)

    We need the coroner to confirm

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  • [–] 13 points 3 months ago (3 children)
  • [–] 16 points 3 months ago* (2 children)

    Someone’s description of Graham’s anus and the origin of Graham’s nickname in the gay scene

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  • [–] 10 points 3 months ago (1 child)

    As police as I am that this particular shitbag is now a corpse, I currently really wish that I had never learned how to read.

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  • [–] 8 points 3 months ago (2 children)

    Is there something I missed here? Like I know he was almost certainly a gay man but that's the only way this nears making sense for me.

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  • [–] 7 points 3 months ago (1 child)

    I read that in Stephen Root's "Bill from King of the Hill" voice.

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  • [–] 5 points 3 months ago (1 child)

    I don’t know who the guy is, what the context might be, and honestly, this is one of those few occurrences that I’m okay with that

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  • [–] 4 points 3 months ago

    I was already nauseated...

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    [–] 1 point 3 months ago

    Well, I would've got the cheese grater. The sharp one.

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