Then one day, just by chance,

I tried to fart and shat my pants.

The rest is... Wasted a dime But what the hell At least I can sit And enjoy the smell (An oldie from the days when it cost a dime to use the stall)

Another one from the good old days: "Here I sit and hesitate, should I shit or masturbate."

There are more things in colon to berth than are sniffed of in your privy, Horatio