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[–] 30 points 1 year ago* (12 children)

I'd like to take this opportunity to say sorry to all the people that ended up buying the WD-40s I stole the straw off of.

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  • [–] 9 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (4 children)

    Oh, are we confessing to minor thefts? Let's see, what's beyond 7 years old...

    A Hogwarts robe clip from a Halloween costume

    $12 in expired powerbars

    About $200 in assorted mediocre liquor from some wedding

    4 posters from bus stops for the Scooby-Doo movie

    A 1999 Ford Explorer

    7 Playboys and a bag of old coins

    97 million kisses from my missus

    (Edit: the largest thefts are the kisses)

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  • I used to shoplift handheld electronic games, stuff like Electronic Quarterback by Coleco. I was a paper boy and I would walk into stores with my bag around my shoulder and just grab games off the counter and slip them in the bag. What blows my mind now is that this was even possible - this was the late 1970s and apparently I was something of an innovator because the stores never suspected anything or searched kids, and the electronic games were just sitting out on counters. It wasn't long after this that stores started only allowing two kids into the store at a time and shit like that, and searching them when they left.

    You're welcome, subsequent generations of would-be shoplifters! You'll never know just how fucking easy we had it.

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  • [–] 2 points 1 year ago (4 children)

    I once ate the baby carrots from the grocery store, right off the display. I am not sorry about it.

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  • [–] 2 points 1 year ago (3 children)

    I don't think there's anything in that story to be sorry about.

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  • [–] 1 point 1 year ago (2 children)

    There is, you need to wash vegetables before you eat them

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  • [–] 1 point 1 year ago* (1 child)

    I'm pretty sure baby carrots are prewashed.

    Edit: Oh, perhaps you don't know this. In which case, I'd love to be the one to tell you: baby carrots are just cut up regular carrots.

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  • [–] 1 point 1 year ago

    Even if they're prewashed, they're lying in a crowded supermarket on display all day. You don't know who touched them and who sneezed on them, but you can know for a fact, someone did, and most people don't wash hands.

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