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Reflection on my kinks and envy of female parts [cw: weird sex stuff] (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
submitted 5 days ago by to c/mtf@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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My life has slowed down a bit so I've started thinking about myself a little more. Some of the sexual envy I've felt surrounding sex and my specific kinks I realize are very focused towards "damn, it just seems like it would be so much better with girl parts". Cuz it really does.

I've always felt envy to women who just seem like they always feel a lot more than I do. Like it feels good to have sex but I'm rarely gasping and lost in pleasure like most girls are, except for a few times I've received anal and the stars aligned well for my mental state and energy. And then the multiple orgasms women can have, my god. But as good as anal is it just doesn't quite, eh, feel like it's the same as that.

It goes deeper into one of my kinks too.

Weird kink stuff here that I've never told another soul:

spoilerOne of my kinks is pee related; specifically, omorashi/diaper stuff. Not like "adult baby" kinda stuff but wetting diapers or pants, holding it until I lose control, it's a turn on for me and I partake somewhat frequently...

With male equipment it's "alright" but I have found myself constantly fantasizing about how much better it would be with female parts, especially while in the middle of the kink stuff. I wouldn't have to worry about where I'm pointing if I'm wearing a diaper, it gets everything right between the thighs, it doesn't get in the way or pinched when wearing bulky padding, it's easier to lose control (because the loss of voluntary control I find the hottest) - urgh. Female parts are literally designed for this kink and it makes me wish I had them. It seems like it gets really obvious the more I think about it, that I've been using the kink to contain those thoughts as a compartmentalized outlet that's "just part of the kink" and not part of me as a person. But maybe it is part of me as a person??

What's strange tho is outside the kink I really do like my parts, having and using a penis is enjoyable. But after my previous revelations I'm wondering if that is just self-convincing to not feel bad about it, and I need to do a lot more thinking on my feelings about it.

Outside the kink my libido is rather low too, at least mentally. Like for as relatively young as I am, in decent shape, with fairly high T and all, I should be able to have sex multiple times a day, but I'm usually a one and done with my girlfriend before my mind just goes "yeah I'm done with this effort of bring horny, brain tired now let's sleep or move on to next autistic hyperfocus because you have shit to do".
Thats ofc made worse by how fucking busy I am all the time. But like am I secretly not into having sex as a man? Idfk.

I'm not really looking for any advice just writing random vomit flow of thoughts out that came to me last night, because text writing helps me organize my brain. Sorry if I gross anyone out because I'm fucking into weird stuff I'll delete if I do..

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[–] 1 point 1 day ago (1 child)

Spoiler: NSFW (sex stuff), infodumpingFYI: as someone who did a lot of experimenting in this regard before starting HRT, it is entirely possible for a testosterone-dominant body to have orgasms similar to what people on estrogen experience (long, full-body sensations without ejaculation. These can often be chained with little to no refractory period, unlike "regular" penile orgasms which last a few seconds at most, with most of the sensations concentrated in the penis itself and long recovery periods).

There are quite a few techniques to achieve it, but the basic idea involves carefully controlled stimulation (as well as focusing on specific sensations) to reach orgasm without triggering the ejaculation reflex. Contrary to popular belief, the two do NOT necessarily have to go together, and it's ejaculation which releases the hormones causing the temporary drop in arousal ("post-nut-clarity") and the long delay until you're ready to go again. The technique I found most reliable consisted mainly of the following:

  • Stimulate only the penile frenulum, carefully moderating both speed and intensity. Just a little back-and-forth with one or two fingers should do it; going too intensely will push you over into regular penile orgasm territory.
  • Keep your body relaxed. Most importantly, the pelvic floor muscles need to be fully relaxed the whole time, which can take some practice because they reflexively want to contract whenever the penis is stimulated.
  • It's kinda hard to describe in words, but try to focus more on the feelings in your head and upper body rather than the penis itself. Ideally you're trying to focus on the gradually rising sensation of pleasure which feels like it's coming from the back/top of your skull, that one is the "girl orgasm" you're trying to reach (rather than the much "sharper" and more concentrated pleasure coming from the glans penis).
  • Slow and steady wins the race - going quickly will trigger a penile orgasm with ejaculation, it's much more important that you have a consistent rate of stimulation so that you can focus on the arousal as it builds. Expect to be at it for like half an hour or more before full orgasms start actually happening - if you want the same orgasms girls get you need an equivalent amount of "foreplay" to get yourself ready :)

A lot of this is very hard to put into words and you really have to practice to be able to feel the difference between regular "guy arousal" and "girl arousal". It took me quite a few months (and a lot of failed attempts) to really get the hang of it, but eventually I reached the point where I could have 2-3 consecutive full-body orgasms lasting like 30+ seconds each with only a few seconds between them to catch my breath. Since starting estrogen I now get "girl orgasms" by default without having to put in much additional thought, but can say with certainty that what I was doing before was the real deal.

Happy to explain more if you're interested :)

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