Reading the web and watching the YouTube's yields a plethora of little attention hacks that apparently really help people with their ADHD, but leave me feeling completely alienated because absolutely none of them work for me. In fact, I just don't even implement them, just sort of eye them suspisciously from a distance.

It feels a little reminscent of the advice I'd get for depression in that the bulk of advice seems targetted towards people with less severe forms, and both writers and readers can say, "Wow! Thanks! This really worked for me!"

The feeling that I had earlier that, "OK, now I have a diagnosis, I can start treating the problem" is evaporating away I'm left with a despair that comes from having a version of ADHD that is seemingly not treatable and not work-aroundable and is actually and irrevocably debilitating.

Getting an eval in a week

Edit: If anyone has resources for severe ADHD instead of this Stephen Covery organizational bullshit, please drop it in the comments.

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[–] [S] 2 points 21 hours ago (1 child)

I did manage a little bit of routine for several years. Every day, my first thing was to study language (anki vocab mostly) while I drank my mater. Since my burnout, I've left that behind, but think maybe it's time to replace language with piano....

Thanks for the link!

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  • I saw you mentioned trying meds and having an issue just doing the same thing you'd normally do but for longer as well. I recently started meds and have noticed the same thing, and especially if you were undiagnosed for a long time I think this can be a big problem. The meds help a lot, but they aren't a cure-all. They really require discipline as well, especially for people who are older when they start them. You went for possibly decades with a chemical deficiency in your brain. Your brain built up a whole set of habits and neural pathways dedicated to hacking this deficiency, and gaining dopamine any way it can. Now the meds can help regulate that dopamine, but the ingrained habits are still the path of least resistance. The meds can't overcome that on their own. Your brain has an immense amount of experience feeling like 'being productive' gives no dopamine, no reward. The meds make it so that being productive can feel rewarding, but all the little hacks that you picked up along the way to get that dopamine fix also still feel rewarding with the meds, sometimes even moreso than before. So you need to overcome that inertia and train your brain to realize that no, actually laundry isn't a torturous experience that must be avoided at all costs anymore. Now with the meds it actually can feel like you've accomplished something. But in order to do that you need to build those habits, and then initiation will get easier and easier. If you start the meds without a routine, they can easily just reinforce the bad habits that have been built up over years of your brain being wired wrong which is something a lot of doctors don't talk about/realize with older patients.

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