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I protect my nonexistent kids from harm. (files.catbox.moe)
submitted 1 day ago by to c/childfree@lemmy.world
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[–] [S] 5 points 1 day ago (5 children)

A lot of people are childfree because they have severe generational trauma that they're afraid they'll inflict on their potential kids and therefore be terrible parents. That's as good a reason to be childfree as any.

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  • [–] 2 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (4 children)

    A lot of people are suicidal because they have severe generational trauma that they're afraid they'll inflict on their potential friends, partners and kids, and therefore be terrible persons. That's NOT a good reason to kill yourself.

    A lot of people identify as trans because they have severe sexual trauma that made them disconnect from man/womanhood and therefore feel like terrible men/women. That's NOT a good reason to transition.

    I get what you're trying to say. But this girl is actively mourning her potential children and writing poetry about imagining their smiles, while feeling so toxic she cannot imagine having them. Worst case is she gets sterilised, THEN processes the trauma, then regrets it. Best case is she processes the trauma, then comes to a conclusion (whatever that may be), then lives a life less filled with fear (child free or not).

    Also I want to stress this: there is nothing wrong about talking to a therapist.

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  • [–] [S] 0 points 1 day ago (3 children)

    That's NOT a good reason to transition.

    Don't think that's for anyone to say but them tbh

    there is nothing wrong about talking to a therapist.

    Absolutely. I'm in therapy myself. That said, even someone who's fully processed their trauma in therapy isn't necessarily willing to have kids and potentially inflict that trauma on them. I know for a fact that no matter how much healing I do, I'd be a terrible father because I've gone through far too much to ever consider dragging a kid into the world and exposing them even in the slightest to the shit I was put through. The fact that she's able to express these emotions so clearly and concisely speaks to the fact that she's very likely processed all of this already and come to a conclusion

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  • [–] 2 points 1 day ago (2 children)

    I’d be a terrible father because I’ve gone through far too much to ever consider [it]

    Yeah I think this is the part I struggle to understand. I don't want kids because I simply don't want kids, regardless of my own childhood. To me, this smells like "I would if I could". I get the part of it that is like a genetic disease that you don't want to pass on. But would you consider it, if you knew you would be a good father?

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  • [–] [S] 0 points 14 hours ago (1 child)

    To me, this smells like "I would if I could".

    What I said (and what the original poet is saying) is "I won't, and I can't anyway". That's not the same thing as "I would if I could".

    But would you consider it, if you knew you would be a good father?

    Fuck no, I don't even like kids.

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  • [–] 0 points 13 hours ago* (last edited 6 hours ago)

    No. What the original poet is saying is "I dream of children but I won't get them because I'm afraid". Sure, you can interpret "I'm afraid" as "I can't", but then the reason you can't is treatable.

    Fuck no, I don't even like kids.

    Then why in the world did you not open with this statement?

    Take this for instance:

    1. "I can't have kids because I'm sterile"
    2. "I don't want kids so I got sterilised"

    Same person, same reasons, just different framing. 1. will prompt people to go "Oh, there is help for that you know, you could use a sperm donor or something". 2. will not.

    Edit to add: A lot of the comments contain type 1 statements. Like the first one in this thread for instance:

    A lot of people are childfree because they have severe generational trauma that they’re afraid they’ll inflict on their potential kids and therefore be terrible parents.

    This conveys loss and suffering. A type 2 framing would be:

    A lot of people have suffered generational trauma but do not mind not being able to have kids, instead they find solace in breaking the trauma circle.

    You see the difference in agency here, right?

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