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Lemmy has a sexism problem (sh.itjust.works)
submitted 6 days ago by to c/feminism@lemmy.world
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I couldn't believe my eyes seeing this advice to teach young boys to hit girls so as to restore the boys' self esteem and pride.

This is the kind of toxic belief that shouldn't be allowed to proliferate here and yet is embraced with open arms by other users.

That boys can only regain their pride and self esteem by hitting girls leads directly to more violence against women and girls.

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[–] [S] -1 points 5 days ago (18 children)

Saying boys shouldn’t be taught to hit totally means girls are allowed to hit all the time! /s

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  • [–] 3 points 5 days ago (17 children)

    Neither should, both can and do.

    However, from a lot of parents, with boys, the "do NOT hit girls" message is massively amplified.

    Both genders will break the rules, to some extent. When a boy does it to them, by hitting, they can respond, if required. A girl who does the same can find a convenient physical and emotional punching bag, when the "do not hit girls" training ends up locking up their defensive response.

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  • [–] [S] 0 points 5 days ago (16 children)

    4-5 year olds shouldn’t be taught to hit back at all.

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  • [–] 2 points 5 days ago (15 children)

    Hitting back can include shoving away, and defensive blocks.

    My minion was learning to use and moderate themselves at around that age. They started martial arts not long after. I would never punish or argue against proportionate self defense. Even if it's just to signal that it's not appropriate play, and an adult's attention is needed ASAP.

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  • [–] [S] -3 points 5 days ago* (14 children)

    I don't know why you're trying to argue with me and nitpick about how society views boys and girls hitting differently.

    This comment is pushing that this little boy can regain his self-esteem and pride by hitting this little girl. And that comment was pretty highly upvoted when I came across it.

    That's it. That's the issue. The users on this site love to glorify men and boys using violence against women and girls.

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  • [–] 3 points 5 days ago (13 children)

    I read it as an adult trying to decide how to deal with a little girl assaulting their son. The first mover violence seems to have come from a girl, and was met, ineffectively with passivity.

    How should a boy respond to being assaulted by a girl?

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  • [–] [S] -2 points 5 days ago (12 children)

    How should a boy respond to being assaulted by a girl?

    These are 4-5 year old children.

    I'm not taking this lame ass bait.

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  • [–] 3 points 5 days ago (10 children)

    Your complaining about the advice to that question. I actually wanted to know what you thought they should do.

    I've been through that age of parenting. That's the age where those discussions should start. If you don't have them, then the child will fill in the gaps best they can. Their conclusions can vary wildly from what we would call reasonable, when that happens.

    I taught them that they were allowed to block and to push the other child away, if they didn't stop. They were then expected to immediately get an adult involved. Punching and kicking weren't allowed.

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  • [–] [S] -1 points 5 days ago (8 children)

    You’re acting like I’m not a parent as well lol

    I’m not taking the bait. 4-5 year olds are very capable of learning conflict resolution that doesn’t involve hitting back to regain pride.

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  • [–] 3 points 5 days ago (7 children)

    So what did you teach them?

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  • [–] [S] -1 points 5 days ago (6 children)

    4-5 year olds are very capable of learning conflict resolution

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  • [–] 3 points 5 days ago (5 children)

    And how does that look when another child is trying to hit them?

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  • [–] [S] 1 point 5 days ago (4 children)

    Time outs, apologies, talking about treating others like you want to be treated, consistency and patience.

    I thought you were a parent? You don't know what teaching children conflict resolution looks like?

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  • [–] 2 points 5 days ago (3 children)

    You seem to be doging the point of the question. That's how you stop them hitting unprovoked, or bullying etc. What if it's the other way around? They are the victim of it, not the instigator.

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  • [–] 0 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (2 children)

    What if it’s the other way around? They are the victim of it, not the instigator.

    I certainly won't teach them to create a new victim out of some self-righteous sense of retributive justice.

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  • [–] 2 points 5 days ago (1 child)

    Neither would I. That's obviously stupid.

    However, you still didn't answer the core question. What would you teach them?

    I'm beginning to suspect you don't actually have a good answer. You just wanted something to be outraged at.

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