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HTML5 accelerator card (mastodon.wuffs.org)
submitted 3 weeks ago by to c/programmer_humor@programming.dev
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a poster advertising some new hardware: # Upgrade your browsing The world’s first HTML5 accelerator card is here. Our custom chips work with Chrome and with Electron apps to give you a web experience like never before. - One PCI Express x16 card, endless power - Supports viewports up to 7680x4320 and refresh rates up to 240Hz - Parallel renderer with on-die Flexbox and CSS Grid solvers - Shielded event bubbler for smooth, noise-free mouse movements - 8 programmable Virtual DOM chips for super-fast React apps - Seguri-Dad® TPM cryptographically signs your web requests so you never have to complete a CAPTCHA again - Low-voltage SVG rasteriser a 3D render of the card highlights features of various chips: - Predictive JSON deserialiser - 1024-bit renderer (64 div cores, 128 span cores, 8K-ready, 256MB emoji cache) - Virtual DOM+, 8-stage diff pipeline - Dual garbage collectors benchmark charts show that it significantly outdoes Firefox and Chrome on Max Discord Scrollback (text and GIFs loaded before client drops to under 60fps) and Facebook News Feed FPS (scrolling through the NIST Standard Minion Meme Collection)
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[–] 79 points 3 weeks ago (8 children)

I wish I didn't know developers who would look at this and go "What's the joke? Sounds like a good idea."

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  • [–] 47 points 3 weeks ago (6 children)

    Guilty.

    95 percent of the people using computers are just using them for a browser.

    Let's implement the DOM in hardware!

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  • [–] 21 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

    Nothing quite like locking yourself further into a broken, patched together frankenmess forever based only on momentum.

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