Update: aight, I'm keeping it. Check out my new next gen audio rig 3000:

I cleaned it out and it seems to work fine. The drive belts seem okay: not dry, but maybe a little loose, although the BPM of the music sounds about right. I paid $50 for it.

I have no bloody idea why I'd need it or would want to keep it. I just wanted to try it out, knowing that the store's policy is "no questions asked" if I return it within 30 days. Also, retro is fun...?🤣