Yeah I think early on a lot of it was subconscious, like, neither of you know what you're doing and you don't have the framework for feedback, or are terrified of confrontation and withdrawal so you just never say anything you just go 'uh huh, yeah' when prompted.

Then there's the mixed experience period where one of you might get mad because the other peraon clearly isn't interested or able to reciprocate the amount of involvement when you get invested.

Then when you're really aware and not completely blindsighted by horniness there's a very 'oh, hey, there's like, reasons and means here I hadn't considered.' God help you if your retrospective experiences don't make you cringe yourself inside out at that point.