Thanks for sharing your perspective :)

It makes me feel like they see me as “male enough”. I do not want to be an attractive man. Much, much better to be an unattractive and unwanted woman than an attractive man. It’s not possible creating a connection to a person if I strongly suspect they are invalidating me in their head.

Yes this is exactly what I want to avoid, and I'd hate to make someone feel that way. Maybe it's best to avoid using labels in the first place. 'Gay' seems very limiting and it could give someone the wrong impression when I'm sometimes attracted to women.

So, at least I’d need something that makes it clear I’m not being seen as a crossdressing man, because that’s not what I am. It would feel insulting to me to be seen as something else than what I am.

I would never think that about a trans woman and I hope no one ever makes you feel like that!