My father was both, so my mom turned out ok I think. And it's not that I didn't expect to still be alive, so much as I hadn't really fully conceptualized life in my 30s and 40s? It was as foreign a concept to me as what happens in a story after the "happily ever after" and the credits roll. What do you mean, what happens next? Story's over. And I have even less of an idea now of what to do with myself than I did then, I just know that a plucky attitude and a "well, I'll figure it out somehow" didn't do the trick.