I'll summarize by saying it was transmisogyny from a cis lesbian that I have known a very long time. I have no intention of dragging anyone out in public. I will get over it, and spend some time trying to teach her, if I can.
I am looking forward to working with and being part of a community. This one is strong and has good roots! I went to her to learn about the perils of name and gender marker changes but had a very long discussion about all kinds of life experiences.