Yeah it made me feel like a vase that was shattering, before my senses melt together and my body dissolves into nothingness, and I emerge into a different dimension as a disembodied consciousness.
And every fucking time, I would have the same thought as if anew: "This is what dying feels like. I'm dying. I'm literally dead and now I'm in the afterlife. I can never go back to my body. Fuck. Now I remember why it always terrifies me. How could I have forgotten?"
And usually I would get stuck in that loop until I return to my body and kiss the ground. But occasionally I would blow past it and after the initial shock of dying there were sometimes some pretty wild experiences. But nothing really worth the terror of passing through that window. And it always felt at that point like there was something else just out of reach, just a little further, some deep secret, an even deeper and more hidden dimension, which if I entered it I truly never would return to the physical world. And sometimes I would try to reach it but always turned back in fear after the shock of breaking through, now matter how determined I was beforehand.
Another thing I often felt was that "dying" felt like waking up from a dream. That's why I thought I could never go back. Because once you wake up, you can never return to a dream. It felt like everyone I knew in this life had been a figment of my imagination, or perhaps spirit actors playing as characters in my life. And sometimes it felt like they were all there, laughing at me for thinking it was real...
But the secret always was that in "the game" of the physical world, the most important rule is that you can't let anyone know you see through the reality of it. You have to pretend to believe it's real. And that's why when people talk about other dimensions, they're labeled as crazy and sequestered in insane asylums. Because they broke the most important rule. And that's why no one will ever tell you you're dreaming, that this is all a charade.
At least, that's what I believed at that time in my life. But slowly the world broke in on my conscience. I felt like I was being gaslit about the reality of the world. Like all these people know it's just a dream. They know we're all just spirits playing pretend as humans. And they'll deny it to my face and medicate me until I pretend just as hard as they do...
I've always read DMT is a gentler experience but I never got my hands on some...