It really depends I guess on the woman. At least a third of the men I have dated have been SA'd by other men as children. I think because I had shared with them my family trauma, which includes this kind of violence, it made them more comfortable to tell me. At least a couple, I was the first gf they told.

This is why I dont agree with the whole "it's rude to 'trauma dump' on people thing. I never mean harm, but I do share my story. Firstly, because my cptsd is legit baggage a potential partner will have to support my in, and second, so also a person with their own baggage doesnt feel like a freak for having it. My crowd was always other baggage carriers (sorry for this metaphor, but its working rn).

I learned very young the horrors of ..this. It comes down to the person, and thier life expierences. While dating one fella, who was SA'd as a young person by his adopted father, I saw discourse online a lot with people making fun of men for thinking washing their ass was "gay", and folks making fun of this. I was actually dating this guy, who thought this. It was because he was raped at 12. I didnt judge, but he did break up with me after a half year or so. But now, I dont think the jokes are so funny anymore. How many of these men who think like this were raped as boys? You cant help but wonder.

This issue runs close to my heart, and I only hope that change can come in the next few generations. It is starting to be talked about, but I really hope to see change before I die in regards to the taboo in talking about this. I hope men in thier own circles are disscussing it.

Ill trauma drump as much as I want, because it could help someone not ready to talk about it. I dont carry shame in this regard, and I wish others wouldnt either. These boys grow into men, and feel such shame, blame themselves, and get complexes. If only I could heal everyone. Thats my genie wish.

100% agree.

We still have a ways to go in... socially realizing / allowing men to actually express emotional pain... I literally instinctively wanted to just call it 'weakness', lol.

We are still basically at 'well if you are a man and you aren't basically always a tough guy, well then you must be either gay or totally mentally unstable or something'.

That being said, of course there are exceptions to this, my experiences are proof of that, but yeah, its not the norm.

I hate that you're right. And I hate that it feels like it's getting worse - that we're backsliding on some of these subjects that require care and empathy for our fellow humans. Men deserve to be vulnerable and open and be supported as well.

Certainly on an individual level, I've had these types of connections with men. It's powerful and I hold those memories very close and dear. That's hard to extrapolate out to the larger population in text though.