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Is there a safe way to say you don't like something? (sh.itjust.works)
submitted 3 months ago by to c/autism@lemmy.world
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I was talking with someone today and realized I did something I do quite often that might be a trait that gets me into trouble: I boldly state my preference for (or against) something.

In this case, it was being tired of classic rock from a lifetime of overexposure. I think I offended the person, but saved it by clarifying that I'm mostly tired that there is a play list of seemingly 100-songs that have been in continual rotation for 50 years.

Anyway, it occurs to me that I'm just stating my preferences and I personally thing that's fine and normal, but that people get personally offended if you don't like what they like; which makes no sense to me. It's like if you don't like bland food, I'm not going to get offended because I can't handle anything hotter than black pepper. It doesn't ultimately mean anything significant.

Thoughts, ideas, suggestions?

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[–] 1 point 3 months ago (1 child)

I often find saying that I'm not into X lands better than saying I don't like X. It's just an euphemism for the same thing, but it matters.

Also it's kinda important that your preference announcement makes sense in the moment, like when someone links you a rock song, saying you're not into rock is different than saying you don't like the song, but that would be an appropriate moment. If you go into a bar and there's rock background music, saying that you don't like it feels unprompted.

If coworkers/friends are talking about going to a rock festival in a bar, it's appropriate to say you don't like the music if they invite you, but inserting your opinion into their planning feels like you are rejecting their plan, which again will make them take it personally. You probably aren't against them going a bunch of days, getting hella drunk and having a good time while listening rock, you just don't like the music.

So yeah, appropriate time (when prompted or if not saying it will result in you not enjoying yourself) and appropriate manner (soft terms and extending the answer a sentence to give a bit of context) usually helps, a lot.

Just making a tone that with friends I oftentimes intentionally use extra harsh terms because it's funny and there's confidence, but if not, soft terms always.

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