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Do you think this guy likes me, or is he just being nice? (lemmy.world)
submitted 4 months ago by to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world
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[–] 8 points 4 months ago (6 children)

Jesuchristo, a year?

I would never advise that. It's fine to enjoy sex. Some guys are more into chasing and just want a challenge, lose interest once you fuck - I don't want a guy who likes chasing, I want a guy who likes sex with me. I don't want the first time to be the best time either. That long buildup then a letdown is too big a risk to gamble a year on.

I'm old now but still would say a physical relationship is a shallower level than an emotional relationship, and having sex soon into any relationship has worked better to find a good match and, well, at least got me plenty of sex.

Not advising the OP here (She may not even want a physical relationship at all) - just responding to the idea that it's better to wait. In my life I have never found it better to wait.

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  • [–] -1 points 4 months ago (4 children)

    I think there's some misunderstanding here. They said "don't immediately have sex" and "people don't open up until around a year" as 2 separate statements. They weren't necessarily saying to hold off on sex for a whole year.

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  • [–] 5 points 4 months ago

    OP said this:

    But it's vitally important for the overall health of the relationship to not have sexual intimacy for at minimum 6 months, and ideally at least longer than a year

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  • [–] -1 points 4 months ago

    I think, at the core, my argument is simply this: don't rush into sex. Take your time to figure out if this is really what you want.

    I believe everyone can agree to that statement. But my perspective is that quantifiable, actionable advice is more helpful than advice in which the recipient has to apply their own judgment (what's the purpose of giving the advice then?), and so I have semi-arbitrarily chosen that 6 months to wait is a safe bet and 1 year is ideal.

    And I acknowledge that waiting a year is unusually chaste - that's why I consider it to be an ideal circumstance rather than a practicable target. Is waiting a year for sex unusually risk-averse? Yes, undeniably. But you also can't deny that waiting that time would give you the best perspective on whether or not it's a good idea to have sex with someone

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