Because I was the quieter more obedient child, I would get compliments raining down on me in full view of my brother who'd get none. I always felt uneasy about it, but couldn't put feelings to words at that age, especially since I was being rewarded by it.

If there was ever a conflict between me and my brother, my mum and nan would immediately take my side, even if my side made no sense. As we entered our tweens, I realised I could win any argument by simply behaving better and letting him act out in front of parents.

One of my worst memories is the sound of him crying after some disagreement, as he often would, but this time it wasn't the cry of someone who felt wronged or of someone crying to appeal to others -- it was the cry of someone who realized that they could never be right, no matter how wrong the other person was. That shit still haunts me.

After that point I stopped engaging in passive manipulation with my enablers, and tried to stop myself from engaging in hollow victories over him. We gave each other a lot of space during that time, and found a balance where we could co-exist.

But I think the damage was done already, since in adulthood he has a hard time of letting things go and has a very strong sense of his own personal justice which makes him somewhat needlessly confrontational. My own damage is that I never developed real critical thought until my thirties, and I let things go way too easily if it personally benefits me, even if it harms others.

I've spoken to my mum about all this as an adult, and she expresses tons of regret. She was just making do with the best that she could at the time whilst her husband was off doing god knows what, and her own over-bearing mother was around to criticise everything she did.

You just have to forgive it and move on, and I've done so, but my brother hasn't and how could he.

How's it with you? What scars did they etch into your psyche?