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Who here was the family scapegoat? (piefed.cdn.blahaj.zone)
submitted 1 year ago by to c/mentalhealth@lemmy.world
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Who here was the family scapegoat?
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[–] [S] 7 points 1 year ago (5 children)

That's a really interesting comment, thanks for writing that out. You've shown a lot of insight into yourself, and how it's put you in thought processes which were bad for you and other people. Kids believe what they're taught and you've done well not ending up believing you're above others.

Being a scapegoat was rough, everything was my fault and I knew it was unfair eg being accused of things it was impossible for me to do. It made it hard to understand when I genuinely was wrong and made me really angry. It also meant I was always anxious and had awful self esteem.

Worst thing about it is I bullied my younger sibling, cos I was so angry they got loved and I got blamed for their mistakes. I was really nasty to them, and we have no relationship now. I'm zero contact with family partly cos they'll always see everything as my fault, and I can't live with that.

On the plus side I'm in tune to other people's feelings, I can pick up on warning signs well and I always want to help people. I'm a domestic abuse outreach worker so there's a lot of kids that don't have as bad experiences as you and me did, which is the most important thing.

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  • [–] 3 points 1 year ago (2 children)

    It sounds like you've got a lot of insight in to yourself too - talking to you now, I find it hard to believe you would bully anyone. But I've seen how family dynamics can drive that kind of behaviour, especially since you know that something is wrong with the situation but you don't necessarily have the perspective at that tender age to see where the abuse is actually coming.

    I can imagine that doing an incredible number on your head, and props to you for rising out of that anger and anxiety and lending a hand to those who need it. I hope your younger sibling can with time understand that the injustice of your caregivers were the main driving force.

    Hard to forgive what you can't forget though. My brother hasn't spoken to us in several years, but it actually makes me feel a bit warm to hear your perspective and knowing that he might actually be okay - thriving even - without us.

    This all reminds me of one of my favourite comic strips: https://pbfcomics.com/comics/trauma-trooper/

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  • [–] [S] 4 points 1 year ago (1 child)

    That comic was a roller coaster! I really like it thanks.

    And yes that's exactly what it was, I knew SOMETHING was wrong but at that age you can't work it out.

    It's entirely possible your brother is doing great, people often just avoid the bad memories family bring up. Siblings are the longest relationship people usually have, and there's always hope. Bottom line is you and me turned out to be the kind of people that would have protected us when we were younger and that's the greatest thing either of us could ever be

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