All my life my favourite people have been anhedonic, corrosive misfits
God I'm fucking tired of this "I know what you feel like" bs. No, I'm trying to tell you you don't.
I'm telling you that whatever you consider anhedonic is still on a different magnitude of indifference. And I'm also telling you I know I won't be able to convey it, unless you learn fluent Finnish. My therapist is English, he has fluent Finnish, and he does get what I'm talking about.
But just to give a clue.
Imagine that you get tortured for three days. Then you call your mom afterwards as soon as you can, because ofc you do, who wouldn't cry for their mommy after three days of torture.
Then your mom goes, "well, perhaps you had it coming?"
Now list all the implications of that sentence. Imagine what it'd do to your belief in your mom and your society in general. But you genuinely won't be able to imagine that. But I have here a document from the Finnish police who investigated themselves and found no fault in anything they did. Quelle surprise.
Not a hypothetical, btw. Then imagine trying to find a single person who shares your language to be able to even talk about this. Not someone who's on my side. No. Just someone even willing to argue it. They don't exist. I show Finns this and they pretend it doesn't exist.
That's just the epitome of it all. I have literally hundreds of examples.
God I wish I was born with the genes that would allow me to be so stubbornly ignorant and patriotic as well. But no, I had to go and be literate and have the ability to criticise things. Fuck you, Lord.