Every age. I've been depressed since childhood and the thought of "I might die tomorrow" has been in my head for a very long time. I never related to the idea that teenagers feel "invincible." A girl I used to be friends with died when I was in high school, from leukemia, then a close friend died at 22 from a cocaine overdose. More deaths followed over the years, and every birthday I'm like, "Wtf, how am I still here?"

I keep thinking I'll die sooner rather than later, but somehow I keep surviving. I don't even know why, especially now that I truly don't see how anything about my life or the world at large can possibly get better. Things suck far more than I expected them to and there's very little joy to find anymore. Something about the last few years broke the part of me that gives a fuck and it would take a mighty change in society for it to recover.

Oh yeah, and the co-pays from the psych office are too expensive for me to keep up. This is me while still on my anti-depressants (which were reduced because apparently there's been some change to the rules/laws since I was first given an effective dose of the med, so I'm stuck on 2/3 of what actually helps me.) I might have to stop altogether because I can't fucking afford an extra $200 a month.