and feel not so interested in just following say how a meshstatic works or just buy one.

If you're at the high end of knowledge and skill, as it sounds like you are, you are even closer to being able to take advantage of technology that exists today that is cheap now that most of us. Ten years ago:

• a LiDAR system would have cost thousands of dollars. Today you can buy them for about $100.
• Inconel was only available to the state-of-the-art industrial processes and was very hard to manufacture parts with. Today you can upload your files, have your parts made via additive manufacturing with Inconel and those parts shipped right to your door for affordable prices.
• Computing power has significantly increased. TPUs are bringing down not only the cost of Tensor operations, but the energy consumption needed for equal amount of processing from 10 years ago.
• the cost per kg for delivering a payload to LEO has dropped dramatically in the last 10 years and continues to do so. More orbital inclinations are available on rideshare flights than ever before including many sun synchronous allowing for continuous solar power. Some idiot like me can actually afford to put an object in LEO. That's freakin' amazing!
• battery technology has evolved drastically in 10 years for commercially available product from cheap and plentiful LFPs to Na-ion cells that can operation without loss at - 40 °C without power loss.

“Everything” also has been built which doesn’t help. Or so I feel!

I can't even imagine having this thought. Honestly, with your skill level I am getting the feeling this has nothing to do with the state of technology right now. I'm not going to pry into your personal life, but I'm wondering if you're facing challenges that have nothing to do with technology, but are causing you distress depressing your interests in things you used to love. I could be way off, and if so forgive me for presuming.