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Online dating without the apps? (lemmy.world)
submitted 6 months ago by to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world
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They got a lot worse over the years, and they're exist to extract money, not to provide a service to its users.

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[–] 2 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) (10 children)

lots of people have active social lives and still find zero dating opportunities. usually because the people they would find attractive, are not involved in those social activities.

I've never met an attractive woman in any meetup, sports even, hobby, or volunteering thing I have ever done. I met lots of them via dating apps though, and those women think my meetups, sports, hobbies, and volunteering are stupid and unattractive.

hell, back when i was active on reddit years ago, i regularly random PMs from women who were interested in me there.

IRL I get absolutely nothing except the occasional random weirdo woman who approaches me at a bar and starts telling me what stupid jerk I am for reading books or having a cat and then acts butthurt I don't want to bang her after she has 'bantered' with me.

And I'm not alone in that. Most of my single male friends and my single female friends, are living in totally different universes and they have zero interest in each other. Most of them either don't date at all, or are perpetually chasing the wrong people who treat them like crap, or are hung up on some ex from years ago.

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  • [–] 16 points 6 months ago (7 children)

    I’ve never met an attractive woman in any meetup, sports even, hobby, or volunteering thing I have ever done.

    This sounds extremely implausible. Those activities should have a wide, fairly random, selection of attractiveness. Sports might favor people more physically fit, which is positively correlated with common ideas of attractiveness.

    Maybe you're using some non-standard or idiosyncratic standard of attractive?

    I get absolutely nothing except the occasional random weirdo woman who approaches me at a bar and starts telling me what stupid jerk I am for reading books or having a cat

    On the other hand, maybe you live in hell?

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  • [–] 9 points 6 months ago* (5 children)

    The attractive people involved are already coupled.

    physical fitness has nothing to do with attractiveness. lots of unattractive people are super fit, and lots of attractive people are unfit.

    I live in a city full of wealthy entitled people, who think they are superior to others by birthright and what college they went to, and who won't talk to you if you don't work for a fortune 500 company.

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  • [–] 0 points 6 months ago (4 children)

    The attractive people involved are already coupled.

    It is also extremely implausible that this is 100% true. Unless you were going to events that select for couples, you're going to find a mix of relationship states.

    physical fitness has nothing to do with attractiveness. lots of unattractive people are super fit, and lots of attractive people are unfit.

    People generally find healthiness attractive. Fitness is correlated with healthiness, and this somewhat correlated with attractiveness. Tastes differ. But generally, people are not going to find "can't run up the stairs without wheezing" more attractive than "can run"

    I live in a city full of wealthy entitled people, who think they are superior to others by birthright and what college they went to, and who won’t talk to you if you don’t work for a fortune 500 company.

    Very few cities are so homogeneous. Don't dox yourself but what do you feel comfortable sharing about what city this is? I find it extremely unlikely that the entire city is full of people who only talk to fortune 500 people. Do all the wait staff and service workers exist in silence and depart the city at dusk?

    Sounds like you're putting up barriers blocking your own success, mostly.

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  • [–] 2 points 6 months ago* (3 children)

    yeah, clearly a random stranger on the internet knows more about my own life and my own life experiences than I do.

    The wait and service staff live 2 hours away. My dog walker has a 1.5 hr commute from the rural part of the state. It's the same story in any major USA coastal city. The central neighborhoods all have median incomes in the 150K+ range for single people, and couple shave incomes well over 250K. Homes cost well over a million dollars, and the average rent for a 1bed apartment is 3200/mo. Only rich people can afford to live here.

    I make 150K a year, own a modest condo, and I am considered 'poor' because the expected income for a desirable man is 300-500K a year.

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  • [–] 4 points 6 months ago (1 child)

    yeah, clearly a random stranger on the internet knows more about my own life and my own life experiences than I do.

    You sound absolutely delusional, so, yeah maybe.

    It’s the same story in any major USA coastal city.

    I don't know what city you're in, but the median income in NYC is like $85k and there is a wide range of people here.

    I make 150K a year, own a modest condo, and I am considered ‘poor’ because the expected income for a desirable man is 300-500K a year.

    Don't try to date the kind of person who expects $400k/year? In all my years of dating I don't think I've ever met someone with that expectation, and that's probably for the best.

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  • [–] -1 points 6 months ago*

    You sound like some yokel that has never lived in a major city and has no clue what they are talking about. Cities are not homogeneous, your neighborhood is what defines where you live. You can walk two blocks and be in a area that's poor and impoverished, or two blocks the other way and houses are all 50 million bucks. I live where the houses are 3 million.

    there are no other kinds of people to date where I live. I am not going to drive 3-4 hours roundtrip so I can date people like my dog walker, who is too young and too dumb for me to date anyway. so i just date nobody, and i get hit on every now and then and she throws a shitfit because I don't vacation in Bali yearly.

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  • [–] 2 points 6 months ago (1 child)

    Read this and most of your other posts after this. If you're in San Francisco (i dont know but what youre describing sounds very much like it), I can only share my experience in the bay area, your posts just sound very pessimistic.

    Yeah, some of my friends have run into people like that but humans tend to be very dynamic in that everyone is different. If you find a girl who expects that level of finances, unlikely to be a great partner anyways. There are people everywhere. You even said yourself your friends are single and I would imagine they wouldn't be your friends unless they had some qualities you like about them too. People are out there! Wishing you the best on your journey

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