Proper back bacon instead of that crispy streaky shit Americans eat,

This is the only part I'll push back on being better, and even then, it's with some qualifications. Rashers are fine, and I think I even prefer them if it's on a sandwich or burger, but just sat on a plate? Slab bacon beats it every time for me. A nice, thick cut piece of streaky bacon is just more tasty to me, though you need the right balance of lean and streaky bits. Honestly, I think that's where rashers lose me at breakfast, they're just too far on the lean side, so you hardly get any of the nice, crispy fat bits, just a little strip of it at the edges.

Then again, I have no complaints with an Irish breakfast roll for breakfast if I'm feeling lazy, which, around here, gets you some sausage links, rasher, and a couple pieces of black and white pudding, wrapped up in the same sort of pastry you'd make a sausage roll with. Not the healthiest of breakfasts, but it certainly does the job when you're hungry and tastes great with some brown sauce on it.

When you say "American breakfast," we do have that sometimes, but what it actually consists of and the quality (e.g. type of bacon or sausage, how the eggs are cooked) varies widely. Where I live, breakfast tacos are much more common than the stereotypical American breakfast though

As an Australian, English pies make me sad.

You can get everything you listed in the US relatively easily