It’s more like “can I be in your family” now a days. If my wife’s dad said no, I would’ve still married her. But knowing that I’m accepted into their family is nice.

You're taking it way too literal. Some women think it's romantic when you ask their father for permission to marry them. If she wants you to do this, she'll likely tell you. The same way you'd discuss whether she wants her father to walk her down the aisle. These practices aren't necessarily bad or toxic.

If you are in a healthy committed relationship you talk about these sorts of things, there's no right or wrong. On the other hand, I do agree with you that it would be really weird and creepy to ask a father permission to marry his daughter behind her back.

I personally disagree. Long time ago, I was dating someone and one day it just happened... Like that was the point I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. But I did a quick 'ask her father for permission' but in my head... And doing that was when I fully came to grasp with just how much a loser I was and how little I had to offer anyone. That moment, was the moment my life shifted. I got my drinking under control, went to college, made better friends, I was serious about my future.

While I didn't talk to her father, I knew exactly what he'd say. I knew exactly how he felt about me. Him being always honest with me and me finally being honest with me was the best thing that's ever happened to me.

I've never viewed it as a property thing, at least not in America. And I didn't anyone does. To me it's always been more of a 'are you worthy, do I trust you'.

Marriage itself is a chattel trade. It’s delulu to think you can enter into the institution without normalising patriarchy.