ah, to be clear I don't think that's what's going on in my situation; though it is a good point that always using neutral "they" could cause some dysphoria for some people who actually care about being seen as their gender (like, if you did that to me now I may or may not start to feel insecure, like wondering if you clocked that I'm trans or if you're just a liberal, etc.)
I'm talking about an average cis person who isn't trying to be politically correct, who knows I identify as a woman and uses she/her pronouns, but who uses "they" anyway because I'm visibly trans.