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Oh god just let me finish it for you, fuck (lemmy.dbzer0.com)
submitted 8 months ago by to c/adhd@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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[–] 116 points 8 months ago (19 children)

My wife does this and it drives me insane because she's only right about 60% and then I have to start over because I need to say the whole thought again.

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  • [–] 66 points 8 months ago (4 children)

    The dissonance between "I know what you are talking about before you've finished" and "i can barely focus on what you are talking about" is astonishing. I absolutely feel you.

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  • [–] 2 points 8 months ago (3 children)

    Dissonance?

    I know what you are talking about before you've finished, [but you keep talking anyway so] i can barely focus on what you are talking about

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  • [–] 10 points 8 months ago (1 child)

    And yet, 60% of the times, my partner is wrong, because I haven't finished talking. She looses focus because she thinks she knows, then interrupts, with a misunderstanding and then continues as if nothing has happened.

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  • [–] 46 points 8 months ago (5 children)

    It's pretty validating to hear this. My partner, I love him to death, but oh my God when he tries to predict what I'm going to say and cuts me off to do so, it feels so rude. It's like why should I bother speaking if you already have decided what I'm going to say? And it's so often inaccurate.

    I know it's part of the ADHD processing so I try to dismiss it, I know he doesn't mean to cut me off, but WOW is it trying.

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  • [–] 15 points 8 months ago (3 children)

    I do this quiet often with my wife, I get it right more often than not. The problem that makes it so hard for to keep still is that she makes long pauses in the middle of the sentence, like she needs to think herself what she was about to say. I know it's not nice to do but sometimes the feeling makes me prefer chewing glass.

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  • [–] 17 points 8 months ago* (2 children)

    My partner tells me something similar. That I make long pauses when I speak, that he's usually right in his guessing and that not doing it is insanely stressful. It sounds incredibly frustrating, to be fair, so I'm trying hard to not be annoyed at what I, as a gut reaction, perceive is rudeness.

    The thing is, that doesn't really line up with how I experience it. I feel I get interrupted between words and it seems like I have to then pause and correct him more often than say "That's right!" (Something I'm trying to do when he does guess correctly instead of getting annoyed at being interrupted).

    So I wonder if there's a common element in ADHD people thinking neurotypical people are talking much slower than the neurotypical perceive they are and if the instances of being incorrect feel more inconsequential or perhaps the instances of being correct in guessing are very validating in some way.

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  • [–] 8 points 8 months ago

    I think it's a "confirmation bias" type of thing, which likely originally evolved to "reduce cognitive load," so it is something that all human brains are designed to do unfortunately...

    Or maybe it is fortunate? Who knows how torturesome it would be to experience no cognitive bias at ALL. How would you settle on a decision? Thinking of Chidi from The Good Place.

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  • [–] 3 points 8 months ago

    As an ADHD person you have always the feeling that you yourself are speaking way to slow, because your brain is working double the speed and your lips can't keep up. Therefore you lose track of a thought so often. You still trying to speak out a sentence and your mind is already three sentences ahead.

    And no, my wife is making more and longer pauses than other ppl. She is most of the time really tired. Therefore I'm putting in all my effort, even when my ears start smoking ;)

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  • [–] 4 points 8 months ago

    This is something I've very consciously tried to be correct my behavior on. It's unfortunately and surprisingly hard to just shut up and let someone finish, but I've gotten a lot better at it. Now I find myself nodding and physically moving, ready to jump in the moment I can.

    I work with one guy who is the worst at this. You can be in the middle of a sentence telling a story, and he'll hijack it and pivot. He then will ramp up his volume as he talks to control the convo. It's annoying, but I can empathize with him to an extent, and I don't think he knows he's doing it. It's a tough line to walk sometimes.

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  • [–] 8 points 8 months ago

    I do this to my bf too. I don’t mean to. He does exactly what you do and also says I’m not right and I need to let him finish.

    I then try to patiently wait for him to start over and get the whole thing, only to find out it was exactly what I thought he was saying to begin with. lol

    I know it’s frustrating to talk to me. I’ve been told it all my life. I try hard not to do it, it happens involuntarily most of the time.

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