Act stupid

I’ve been training my whole life for this moment

Act stupid

Be as irritable as possible without getting yourself into trouble.

I was going to joke that Lieutenant Columbo was fighting fascism, but then I realized that his suspects were mostly wealthy assholes, and so that's really not far off the mark.

cry and sob hysterically

See Dad, I knew my crippling depression would be useful someday and your assertion I should "just get over it" might have got me killed.

"cry and sob hysterically at every occasion"

That's literally my elementary school years lol, I cried so much kids called me a "crybaby"

I didn't know I was sabotaging school 💀