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[–] 1 point 1 year ago*

That's right, folks! It's The New & Improved All-Natural, Humanely-Sourced, Custom-Fit Anxiety Disorder X-2073! The modern age-indifferent fuck-your-sanity toy sensation that's sweeping the barest vestiges of what could possibly still be called a "nation"! Only $149,500.^99^ at every window to reality you can find! Get yours today!

Warning: Pregnant women, the elderly, and children under 10 should avoid prolonged exposure to The New & Improved All-Natural, Humanely-Sourced, Custom-Fit Anxiety Disorder X-2073. Caution: The New & Improved All-Natural, Humanely-Sourced, Custom-Fit Anxiety Disorder X-2073 may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds.

  • The New & Improved All-Natural, Humanely-Sourced, Custom-Fit Anxiety Disorder X-2073 contains a liquid core, which, if exposed due to rupture, should not be touched, inhaled, or looked at.
  • Do not use The New & Improved All-Natural, Humanely-Sourced, Custom-Fit Anxiety Disorder X-2073 on concrete.
  • Discontinue use of The New & Improved All-Natural, Humanely-Sourced, Custom-Fit Anxiety Disorder X-2073 if any of the following occurs:
    • itching
    • vertigo
    • dizziness
    • tingling in extremities
    • loss of balance coordination
    • slurred speech temporary blindness
    • profuse sweating or heart palpitations.
  • If The New & Improved All-Natural, Humanely-Sourced, Custom-Fit Anxiety Disorder X-2073 begins to smoke, get away immediately. Seek shelter and cover head.
  • The New & Improved All-Natural, Humanely-Sourced, Custom-Fit Anxiety Disorder X-2073 may stick to certain types of skin.
  • When not in use, The New & Improved All-Natural, Humanely-Sourced, Custom-Fit Anxiety Disorder X-2073 should be returned to its special container and kept under refrigeration. Failure to do so relieves the makers of The New & Improved All-Natural, Humanely-Sourced, Custom-Fit Anxiety Disorder X-2073, Wacky Products Incorporated, and its parent company, Global Chemical Unlimited, of any and all liability.
  • Ingredients of The New & Improved All-Natural, Humanely-Sourced, Custom-Fit Anxiety Disorder X-2073 include an unknown glowing green substance which fell to Earth, presumably from outer space.
  • The New & Improved All-Natural, Humanely-Sourced, Custom-Fit Anxiety Disorder X-2073 has been shipped to our troops in Saudi Arabia and is being dropped by our warplanes on Iraq.
  • Do not taunt The New & Improved All-Natural, Humanely-Sourced, Custom-Fit Anxiety Disorder X-2073.
  • The New & Improved All-Natural, Humanely-Sourced, Custom-Fit Anxiety Disorder X-2073 comes with a lifetime warranty.

The New & Improved All-Natural, Humanely-Sourced, Custom-Fit Anxiety Disorder X-2073! Accept no substitutes!

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