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Why wouldn’t you want to get married (lemmy.today)
submitted 9 months ago by to c/casualconversation@piefed.social
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I just saw someone else post asking why someone would want to get married, so I'm curious to see the opposite. Within the U.S., you can pretty much marry whoever you want as long as they are of age, and many legal benefits come with that. I personally know a couple who have been together for 20 years, and we live in a state that doesn’t recognize common-law marriage, so they are now considering it. Are there other situations where it simply makes sense to not get married?

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[–] 6 points 9 months ago* (4 children)

The wedding industry is an expensive mess

came here to say that, not forgetting the social constraint: people may not want to become a 'married couple'.

I answered in the post the OP mentioned why my spouse and I made our 25+ years old (and counting) relationship official and it's out of pure legal considerations: giving the other full authority in case of medical emergency, protect the other I when the other will pass away (and spare them the burden of having to pay taxes on the inheritance), making it simpler (and safer) to rend our buy a home,... BUt it still took us years to decide doing it: because we're also one of those (odd?) couple that have chosen to live our life like we wanted to live it, not like society (and friends and families) expected us to.

Edit, if I may:

Women tend to live longer and happier if they are single.

Do you have any data backing that up or is personal feeling? I would be curious to read more about that.

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  • [–] 2 points 9 months ago (3 children)

    No sorry, I pulled it straight out of my ass.

    Or rather, I'm pretty sure I read about a study a long while back, from like finland or japan, on life expectancy. But it also aligned well with my world view so I didn't really question it, and dont have it saved anywhere. I dont know how much of it is still, or was ever true... but I for sure would lose several years to stress and frustration being married over staying single.

    The happiness I've read about more recently, but the above applies here as well, though I'm more confident that this is a real thing.

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  • [–] 3 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (2 children)

    No problem, well al have opinions. It can help to make it clear when it's just that, though, as it will probably avoid having some people feel angry or cheated or whatever (I suppose it is the reason why your post was downvoted?).

    And to anyone wondering, yes, I would be more than interested to read more about that kind of studies... if only, because I'm skeptical about it and don't mind being proven wrong.
    And, yes, this time half-trolling but half only, I would feel devastated realizing I'm shortening my lifelong (25+ years and counting) partner's life expectancy just by being her partner.

    Edit: maybe this (image at the end of the link) is a valid study showing the hell men (and boys) create for women (and teens)? Sorry, it's just I can never get enough of this comics ;)

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  • [–] 4 points 9 months ago*

    Here's something you can read:

    https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7452000/

    For what it's worth, what I've always read was that both men and women live longer if married, but the increase in lifespan is bigger for men than women.

    Personally, I don't think my wife would be better off. She's disabled and can't work. She basically got fucked over by genetics.

    While it was nowhere near as bad as it is now when she was in her 20's and 30's, the only times she was actually symptom free was when she was pregnant.

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  • [–] 2 points 9 months ago

    I put plenty of hedges (is that a real expression? hedged my answer?) when answering the opposite question, and didn't feel like doing the same this time. I'll live with the consequences, haha.

    But thanks for the fact check! Good thing one of us wasn't lazy about it today.

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