Not diagnosed autistic just super nerdy person here so take this story for what it’s worth:

I changed schools a lot when I was a kid and had wildly different experiences depending on the school. Mostly varying between bad and very bad. As a kid all the other kids hated me and I never could understand why. I still can’t understand — I don’t know at all what was different about me that everyone could tell right away they needed to insult me — but whatever it was they sure saw it.

In 8th grade for the first time something clicked and I fit in and had friends instead of being the outcast. But I think the change was much more in the people I was going to school with (magnet program for nerds) than in myself.

After having the experience of having friends, fitting in, and being relaxed in a group for a year without worrying they will attack me, I learned how to be a social person and I can (roughly) fit in and be comfortable with most groups since then. People didn’t attack me anymore after that and still don’t, which is quite wonderful for me.

How to get that experience for yourself on purpose? I think it would be really hard.

My best advice is to find some kind of club or group or sport or something, where a group of people are all there because they’re passionate about the thing, and that group really cares about outreach and teaching and spreading that passion. It helps if you already have a passion for the thing of course but it isn’t required.

Find a group of people who are actively looking for new friends and care more about whatever the topic is than about whether you are socially adept, and let them accept you/work together as you all work a shared passion and become friends through that shared group activity. Whether it’s gardening or weightlifting the topic doesn’t matter — what matters is the people are friendly and enthusiastic about spreading their joy for this topic (and you don’t hate it).

For me it was computers and cross-country running team. For my friend it really was weightlifting which believe it or not has enthusiastic nerd outreach groups.

If you get lucky, such a group will teach you how to fit in with them which is transferable knowledge.

Finding a welcoming group or club like that is hard. Keep your eyes open and look actively for it.

Good luck to you and best wishes for success. It’s a hard world.

How so?