I'm not trans but the texture of your hair looks like mine. I struggle with it being unruly and frizzy, so up until recently I had been keeping it short or in a bun or something.

What I found worked for me was to try to only detangle my hair in the shower with a wide-toothed comb while it is wet. I use conditioner to help me detangle it.

I let my hair air dry now instead of blow drying it. Apparently my hair dryer came with an attachment called a "diffuser" that I should have been using. I lost it.

I wash my hair once about every 3 days with shampoo. On non-wash days I keep it in a shower cap when I take a shower so I don't have to blow dry it and avoid the frizz. So, my hair is only ever wet once every 3 days or so.

If my hair looks greasy on non-wash days I use dry shampoo on my roots.

I keep my hair braided when I go to sleep so it doesn't tangle and I keep the brushing I need to while dry at an absolute minimum. I still brush it when dry if I have to. Those days I usually put my hair up in a pony, or half up half down to manage the frizz.

This help me cut down on the frizz and helped me stop fighting the natural texture of my hair. My hair is longer than yours and I have ended up spending a lot of time taking care of it. Think of chopping it off again honestly.

Anyway I typed more than I meant but I hope that was helpful. I can't speak to advice about finding an aesthetic, can't say I really have one myself. Maybe this is all off topic...