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Finding people who vibe with you is so hard (sh.itjust.works)
submitted 11 months ago by to c/showerthoughts@lemmy.world
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So I moved back to my city after 7 years where my family lives.

It's been 2 years but I never really enjoyed people here. Mostly people I met were from my previous circles, family, school friends and their partners.

I always thought something was off and maybe over time I will figure things out but it was just not happening.

Yesterday I went to dinner with my partners friends and damn it was whole different vibe. As if it's a different culture. I really enjoyed talking and was genuinely interested in next meeting.

Resparked my joy in meeting people and I guess I was with wrong people and there are people who are out there who vibe match with me but it's so hard to find them.

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[–] 4 points 11 months ago (5 children)

You have to keep searching. If you don't try, you won't get it.

Shit is awkward sometimes but great. You're right, finding people who are that right amount is difficult. Find them.

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  • [–] 3 points 11 months ago* (4 children)

    Yes, but also sometimes the more you try the worse it gets.

    If I don't try to date, for example, I won't get a partner. OK, but I also won't have drinks thrown in my face, be screamed at, and be harassed by stalkers. All of which I have had to deal with in dating and was all so intensely negative I'm not sure the potential positive is worth it. I can't even talk about my hobbies, my history, on a date anymore in 2025 without being told what a stupid loser piece of shit I am. People are insane. 10 years ago I could talk about all that stuff and people thought it was cool.

    society has become way more not just anti-social, but openly hostile to strangers. in 2015 I never had anyone scream at me on a date. even if they didn't like me they were just chill and polite about it. Now if they don't like you they flip out at you, call you names, and sometimes threaten you.

    Same is true of many social spaces and groups I used to hang out with. Used to be very laid back. Now it is very hostile to anyone who is a 'non believer' of whatever dogma the space is espousing.

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  • [–] 3 points 11 months ago (3 children)

    My best advice for finding a partner is to first find a best friend that evolves into a partner.

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  • [–] 1 point 11 months ago* (2 children)

    that's not how sex works though. people dont' want to be friends with people they want to fuck, and they dont' want to fuck people they are friends with.

    and a romantic relationship requires the desire to fuck. so that's why people focus on that first and foremost.

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  • [–] 2 points 11 months ago

    Many people marry for different reasons. To each their own. In my eyes, I married for my forever partner. Beauty fades and I want more than a bang. I want someone who's brain will be my partner more than their body.

    The "make friends first" method works for me for this. Yes I want to have sex but I don't want my intimacy to be wasted.

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