Of course my takes are heretical. I actually read the source material

The Roman Catholic Church was created by Constantine to blend the Roman religion with the trappings of the early church, which they massacred but couldn't eradicate. It was spreading through the legions and threatening Roman rule, so he stole Jesus's name. Then, for a thousand years, they killed anyone who read the book and came to inconvenient conclusions

Jesus was born in July, and he was a philosopher and a revolutionary. A based as hell guy. Had a lot of good ideas that are very relevant today